9
Play the song if you want, or don't, I don't care. It just adds to the effect
I stared at the letter in my hands.
She was really gone.
And I didn't get to say goodbye.
I watched as the first tear fell onto the paper. It was beginning to rip from how hard I was holding it.
My hands shook violently as I reached for my phone, dialing a number.
"Hey, this is Brielle. Sorry I couldn't make it to the phone right now. You can leave a voicemail but I probably won't listen to it. Bye!" Her cheery voice rang out.
She always answered the phone.
Always.
I dialed another number and waited impatiently, wanting nothing more than to hear his voice.
"Hey Matteo," he said hesitantly, "Is everything okay? Did you leave something here? You know you can just come and get it. I mean I know you just left but if you miss me that much-"
His voice was cut off when I let out a loud sob that I failed to cover.
"I'm on my way."
It was mere seconds before I collapsed in his arms. My hand clasped around my mouth, begging me not to make a noise as I sobbed into it. I fell to the ground with Ethan following suit.
I sat on my knees trying to gain breath. Every second I was gasping for air, trying to get rid of the pit in my chest.
I let out loud sobs, knowing the neighbors probably heard, but I honestly didn't care.
"Ethan," I cried out, not caring to wipe away the hundreds of tears streaming down my face.
"I'm right here," his soft voice brought me back.
My chest constricted and every breath I took hurt. My heart hurt, my head hurt, my everything hurt.
I tried to grasp onto something with my shaky hands but the hardwood floor offered no help, so instead, my fists came in contact. I punched in repeatedly until I felt someone pull me back and into their chest.
"NO!" I screamed, attempting to squirm out of Ethan's grip. "LET ME GO!"
"Matteo," he said softly into my ear. "It's gonna be okay."
I gasped for breath as another sob overtook me. It wasn't going to be okay. How would it ever be okay?
I jerked out of his grip and collapsed into the ground.
"It's not going to be okay. Nothing is okay."
"What's going on?"
He pulled me into him and this time I let him. I wrapped my arms around his neck, hiding my face in his chest. He squeezed me and I started to gasp for any air I could find and hiccuping occasionally.
"She gone." I whimpered.
"Who."
"Brielle."
"You guys broke up? I'm so sorry."
I shook my head and tried to prevent more tears, but it was inevitable. My head hurt and I wanted nothing more than to fall asleep from exhaustion, but the tears never stopped. The trembling never stopped. The pain never stopped.
"She's gone," I repeated, laughing dryly, "My girlfriend is dead."
After I said it out loud, I started laughing. I wiped all the tears away and I laughed. Ethan gave me confused looks after I began laughing so hard that more tears formed in my eyes. I laughed and laughed and laughed until I had nothing left in me and I was back in Ethan's arms and sobbing for another eternity.
"You always see those people whose partner died," I wept quietly, "but you never expect it to happen to you. You always see it and feel sympathy, but you never truly know, nor do you think you ever will. I didn't think I ever would." Ethan squeezed me harder and waited for me to continue. "It should've been me. I would've gladly taken my life for her to live-"
"Don't say that."
"It's true. I would take her place any day. Or I would've given anything to take a sliver of what she was going through. I could've stopped her. I should've known. I should've helped, but instead, I was oblivious to her slowly killing herself. My girlfriend killed herself and I couldn't do anything about it. I sat on the sidelines and watched. It was my fault Ethan it should've been my death."
"You couldn't have known Matteo. Don't spend forever blaming yourself so you look back on her with resentment. Spend the time grieving so that when the time comes and you look back on her, you just see memories rather than hate."
"I can't do that."
"Matteo."
"No, Ethan," I said, sitting up, "you don't know what happened. The woman I loved died and I didn't do anything to stop her! It should've been me," I sobbed, "It should've been me."
The woman I loved
I loved her
And I never got to tell her.
The thought only made me sob harder. My head hurt and I was exhausted, but it never stopped.
Ethan sighed in defeat and stood us both up. He unexpectedly picked me up and carried me to the bed. He pulled the covers over my body and ruffled my hair. I saw him begin to make his descent.
"Please don't go," I pleaded, "Stay."
He smiled softly and made his way to my bed. I scooted the other side and openly welcomed when he wrapped me in his arms. I set my head against his chest, already half asleep.
He nuzzled his face in my hair and I felt it when he smiled, followed by his squeezing me tighter.
I couldn't hear his next words. I was already sleeping.
QOTD: What does a 'safe space' look like to you?
Word Count: 955
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Cover Girl
Teen Fiction"I had always fit into people's standards. Perfect. People don't tell you how much it sucks to be perfect. They expect happiness. They expect a put-together life, but my life was anything but happy and put-together. Some days were great, but mo...
