Empyrean Iris Story Collection Vol. 4

Humans are Gross

An Open Letter to Humans

Humans are Gross

Published independently with my own funds - because I knew this one was never going to be allowed in any sort of reputable journal.

Dr. Krill: Arcadia Dean of Medicine

Humans are gross, we know this, this is not something that surprises anyone, or will surprise anyone in future generations to come. Humans, like all species from Earth, are a cesspit of diseases, viruses, and bacterial infections. They openly leak bodily fluid at any and all moments, and they are constantly shedding dead organic tissue. Not to mention that any and all human waste constitutes a level three biohazard, and even their blood must be incinerated with medical waste. It really is a miracle that none of you humans just straight up and die with the amount of ways that bacteria and other illnesses can enter the body.

But this paper I am writing isn't simply about how passively nasty humans are, this paper is about how actively disgusting humans CHOOSE to be, with their little daily habits, and I feel that it is my duty to call each and every one of you out on this behavior.

Please avert your eyes at this moment if your stomach is easily turned, as I will not apologize for what follows.

Stop EATING your shedded organic tissue. STOP IT.

I am fortunate, or perhaps unfortunate, it is hard to tell, not to have a gag reflex or the ability to vomit because if I did, this topic of discussion would certainly do it for me.

Autocannibalism

The fact that this is EVEN A WORD in your language boggles my mind. You all know that cannibalism is to consume someone of your own species, and this word exists because there are plenty of creatures in nature that do this including at least one sentient species that I know of,, but autocannibalism is to consume YOURSELF, and humans HAVE A WORD FOR THIS.

Not only that, but this practice is actually quite common. A human will deny that they do it, but they are wrong. A list of these comes as follows.

Biting the inside of your cheek

Peeling AND EATING the skin off of their own peeling lips! Like what the shit! Just..... Moisturize, drink some water, STOP EATING yourself. THERE ARE BETTER ALTERNATIVES!

Dandriff.... I can't... I can barely even articulate this one. W why.... Why would you do this? Why would you put that in your mouth! STOP IT stop it. You might as well just lick dust off the floor, it would be the same concept.

Then there are some of you that eat hair!. I know this one is classified as a psychological condition but.... But you need to understand. HAIR can block your internal organs, and "I" may have to remove it SURGICALLY IN LARGE CLUMPS like pulling hair out of a drain only a million times worse. Please, please get help. I am begging you please. I know this one is not your fault but PLEASE. I have even see this behavior in non-disordered patients, specifically humans with long hair who suck on, or chew on the ends of their own hair. It's nasty, stop doing it, just stop it.

Then there are those degenerate assholes out there eating their fingers. Yeah yeah granted most of the time it is simply the skin, or the callouses that build up on the side of the thumbs or the tips of the fingers from where they have picked at it before but still SOME OF THEM EAT IT. This one can also classify as a disorder if it's bad enough, but MOST of the time it is regular ass humans who just EAT THEMSELVES ON OCCASION.

Some of you fuckers eat scabs, you know who you are, and I am officially never looking you in the eye ever again you sick fuck. Not only is it disgusting, but you are actively interfering with the healing process, and as a doctor if I see you picking at your scabs. I WILL END YOU.

Scratch and sniff..... Need I say more? If you have no idea what this means, then good for you, but for those of you that do know WHY???????

Popping pimples, and some of you assholes think it's fun or satisfying.... It's DISGUSTING

How about all of you assholes that pick your nose AND EAT IT! Mother of the architect himself, it can hardly get any worse than this can it????? The mucus and hair in the human nose is specifically designed to stop things from getting inside, but NO you are going to take it out and then ingest it another way..... I think I am going to spontaneously develop the ability to vomit.

Picking earwax from your ears.... And I am just going to let you think about what some people are going to do with that. I want you to sit and think about what you have done. Take a really good, long look at your life and WEEP.

Belly Button lint....

Did you know they once did a swab of a man's bellybutton, and it came back with a specific bacteria/or fungus that only existed in certain parts of Japan.... This man had never been to japan....

Wash your bellybuttons! The fact that I have to instruct humans on the finer points of their own hygiene, is extraordinary.

Toe jam

Eye sand/ gunk after waking up

All the shit under your fingernails, which some of you sick bastards clean USING YOUR TEETH. You know what is probably under there!!!!???? Disease, the answer is disease.

Some of you actively lick, your own wounds, and believe me I cannot stress then enough when I say the LAST THING in architects churning universe, you want to do is put a human mouth ANYWHERE NEAR an open wound

Now I can't say that all humans do all of these things, some humans only do one or two of these things, and some humans do only parts of these things, maybe skipping the autocannibalism. But I guarantee to you that any human you look at has at least one nasty habit that they won't tell you about. In fact most humans will find the above actions very gross, and will likely refuse to admit such actions to other people though they actively participate.

Indeed, the only group of humans who I have found actively bragging about their nasty little habits are the humans that chew on their hands, and humans that lick their own wounds. For whatever reason some of these sick individuals see it as some sort of funny quirk that they like to eat themselves and spread disease over open wounds.