𝐁𝐨𝐨𝐤𝐜𝐥𝐮𝐛 𝐖𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐁𝐞𝐧𝐞𝐟𝐢𝐭𝐬 [18+]

14 · ice cream

IT WAS HARD to tell how many hours had passed since I lay down in bed after shower. My phone was in the other bedroom and the wall clock in this room had long stopped working.

Being in the spare room felt strange, lying under the cold sheets, eyes wide awake with my thoughts running loose.

I hadn't slept a blink. Trust me, I tried. I forcefully closed my eyes and waited for sleep to consume me, waited for the blankness to ease my mind. But my brain had refused to stop recalling every bitter thoughts and triggering memories.

The voices inside my head was too loud, I was scared they would tumble out in the open and fill the room. I was scared it would manifest as anger and I end up ruining things. The last time I was really angry was almost two years ago. Solving the problem with rage never ended well.

Only then I realized it was six in the morning when I heard our bedroom door open and Daniel's footfalls in the hall. Undoubtedly his work came up, and he had to get up early for it.

I had no interest to talk to him, look at his face, be in the same room as him. I felt sick living under the same roof as him. I needed to leave him and start anew. I knew I had to.

There had been way too many thorns prickling our way to just pretend we were happy together. I was incompetent and he was an ambitious achiever. I was mentally unstable and he didn't have time to acknowledge my emotions. But then I had become a hypocrite, mirroring his actions, and I hated it. I hated the victim mentality I was in right now. I wasn't exactly a good person to him. We both deserved better: he needed a loyal girlfriend and I needed to be alone for quite some time.

I lay there, listening to the rustling in the kitchen. I stayed immobile and listened to him move about and cook breakfast. Today was Sunday and it meant avocado toast and apple juice. Tomorrow, he'd make well-scrambled eggs with a side of salad. He'd stuck to the same schedule for three years now. I almost smiled at his precision and over-planning. Some things never really changed.

I waited ten minutes for him to finish his breakfast and leave. I was thankful he didn't come knocking on my door. Instead, he just stepped down the stairs and left our house---I waited until I heard his car rev up and pull out of the driveway.

I pressed my cheek against the cold pillow and closed my eyes momentarily. If only I could sleep my worries away. I sat up and winced as the sheets scraped against the underside of my thighs where I cut myself the most.

Awfully exhausted from the lack of sleep, I waddled my way to the bathroom and inspected my face in the mirror. Red-rimmed, swollen eyes stare back at me. I washed my face, showered again, and left the spare room.

My phone sat on my pillow, battery half-drained. I rolled my eyes. Of course, Daniel probably went through my emails, iCloud, and even Subway Surfers too.

I tossed myself on the bed, dialed Tina, and breathed out a little, waiting for her to pick up.

"Hey, Sara, what's wrong?" She answered in her morning voice.