Wild Card || Levi x Reader

twenty-three: the sweet old hereafter

Chapter warning for serious grief, some serious gore, veeeeery very minor suicidal ideations, and lots of mood swings. This chapter made me cry at parts. Enjoy? Maybe?

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You can't hear. 

Whatever sensory nerves allow you to listen, your brain has replaced them with a soft drumming, like a throbbing in the sides of your head. There's a crackling of static that you're sure is your communicator, with people trying to talk to you. You don't care.

You can't see either. Your vision of the world is blurry, a mix of reds and oranges that you're sure are flames and then white, white that is the ruined Capitol building. Everything is nothing more than a blur and you're unable to differentiate between anything as you stumble through the hallway.

The only thing you can see is the memory of Levi falling.

The acceptance in his eyes haunts you. Those brilliant silver eyes realizing that there's no way he's getting out of this, and he's not about to bring you down with him.

He should've. He should've brought you down with him.

Because you can't do this without him. You don't want to do this without him.

You nearly trip over something, then pause and force your vision to clear. It's a corpse- a Peacekeeper, but you can't tell if it's one of the Capitol or one of the disguised rebels. You think it's one of the rebels- he's got a crowbar in his hands instead of a standard gun. You don't know who this man is at your feet, but you feel responsible anyways. He and hundreds, thousands of others went into this with you as their leader- unwilling, but still the leader anyways.

It's your fault. This is...

No. It's not.

This isn't your fault. This is... this is his.

The man has the crowbar clutched in his dead hands, and you grab it from him so that you're not weaponless. You force your hearing to focus on the crackling static.

"Any available units, come in. Capitol has set off bombs on the both the top floor and the lower floors. The building is falling apart. Retreat to the designated meeting point. The mission has been a success."

Mission was a success? You want to laugh. No, success would mean that Levi would be here with you, not pulled down to-

You have to gulp to stop the oncoming tears. It's not your fault, it's not your-

"President Reiss has been captured," you hear.

Red fills your vision. It's his.

It's his. It's fucking him, the psychopath who had your parents killed, the one who caused all of this, all of this shit- none of it would've happened if it wasn't for him. It's his fault. It's his fault Levi is-

You can't even process the thought. You head towards the stairs.

Twice you nearly fall on your way down the ruined staircase, tripping over your own feet. You've gone from seeing blurry colors to having tunnel vision: you can only see what's directly in front of you. The ground floor comes up faster than you think, and then you're on the main floor.

Reiss. Rod fucking Reiss is all you can see, and you want his blood to stain the white pearly floors of the Capitol.

The building is shaking as you stumble out one of the side doors, weaving through collapsed pieces of the structure. You're so numb that you don't even flinch when a massive chunk of marble drops a few feet in front of you, a piece so large that you definitely would've been flattened and killed instantaneously.