Dar'solus [Captain Rex x reader]

Chapter 33 - Jorhaa'ir jehaatir

Mando'a used in this chapter:

"Jorhaa'ir jehaatir." = "To speak lies."

"Ner kar'ta." = "My heart."

Dull aching pain had grown inside me like moss covering an ornate structure. The memories of what followed Hothead and Chiller's death were vague as most went by in a haze of agony. Anakin had dragged me out to the LAAT/i as a few others stayed behind to deal with their bodies. He hadn't tried to ask me any questions of what had happened, he knew he wouldn't get any answers either way. As standard trauma procedures called for, a thick blanket had been wrapped around me on the gunship and Anakin had stayed close by the entire flight back. All the while I sat in silence, the moment of their death playing in my mind over and over again. Seeing the light from their eyes go out. Their last words and their last breath. I had held their hands when life faded from them and felt how they went limp in my clutch. Their death had carved a rune of remembrance in my being, something I would now always carry with me. When the gunship had landed, I couldn't even feel the steps I took, or the fabric of the blanket in my hands. My mind had not been connected with the outside world. I couldn't even hear how Rex ran up to me or feel him place his hands on my waist. Anakin's words were a muddled mess in my ears. Only when Rex ripped his gloves off and gingerly placed his warm, calloused hands on the sides of my face did I come back to my senses of what was happening. I met his amber eyes, full of life, colour and now worry mixed with sorrow. I took a breath and felt my heart ache once more. My voice wasn't melodic like it used to be, it was hoarse and cracking from crying as it gently whispered,

"Rex, I– I'm so sorry. I couldn't...I couldn't save them."

He gave me a sad smile and caught my tears with the swipe of his thumbs,

"Oh, cyare... come here."

Pulling me into a secure hug, Rex didn't care if anyone saw us. Neither did I. His embrace was healing, for both of us. He kissed my forehead and mumbled in my ear,

"You did everything you could. Do not blame yourself."

Oh, Rex. How can I not blame myself for their deaths? It was my fault. My eyes were stinging and my throat was ripped apart. A dull headache had formed and the throbbing was stronger than that of my heartbeat. It turned out that we had landed by the Jedi temple, Anakin had felt a disturbance in the Force when he had gotten close and felt that need be I talked to the council first. A secure hold on Rex's hand I walked after them inside the temple. Rex had to wait whilst me and Anakin went up in the tower that led to the Council chamber. So now I was in the round room, waiting for me to be called up to the centre where Anakin was currently standing. The sun had begun to set on Coruscant and the sky seen from the big windows glowed orange, like the bright fires that had engulfed my home. The flashbacks had come flooding back into my mind now after the encounter with Maul. Voices hurried past and stumbled on each other, images too. This and being in the temple required all my energy. There was barely any left.

"(Y/N), they're ready for you."

I hadn't noticed that Anakin gently had come back to me and laid a hand on my arm. Silently looking at him I just nodded, letting him guide me to the centre. Master Obi-Wan and Plo Koon were in their seats lined up along the windows, as were the others.

"Anakin said he felt a disturbance in the Force right before he arrived. Something dark and powerful. Do you mind telling us what happened?"

It was Obi-Wan who spoke, no surprise there. My eyes were resting on the horizon behind them, it brought me comfort.

I will see you when the sun sets on the horizon.

I bit back the fresh tears that wanted to see the sun too and took a deep breath before answering,