Sorcha's Secret World, Part 2: Mystery and Mischief.

Chapter 10, His own worst enemy.

"I need to get out of here," Loki mumbled, his eyes wild, his face grey.
He stumbled backwards into the keep.
Sif raised her shotgun, but before she could pull the trigger the metal of the barrel suddenly glowed red-hot and bent downwards as the metal melted.
"You will not hurt him," I said simply, ice shards circling one hand, a ball of fire floating above the other.
"Stand down Sif," Thor rumbled at the same time. "She's more dangerous than she looks."
Sif angrily eyed me for a moment, her hand on the sword that was sheathed and attached to her belt.
I met her stare without blinking. I wasn't going to let her hurt Loki, no matter who she was or what she was suggesting about him.
I hoped I seemed as calm and collected as my voice had sounded because on the inside my thoughts were racing.
What had Sif meant by "I've been hunting your kind down for quite some time now. Which Loki are you?" I kept asking myself.
Loki was too distressed by her arrival and her words for me to believe he had no idea what she was talking about, this was about more than whatever bad blood there was between Sif and him.
Sif finally nodded. "You owe me a new shotgun," was all she said.
"Stay out here for now, please," I asked Thor. "I need to go and sort this out, I need to talk to Loki."

I locked the doors to the hold behind me. I felt bad about leaving Thor out there in the cold and the snow, but I didn't trust Sif and I didn't want a vengeful sister-in-law to destroy our new home with a rocket launcher.
Loki hadn't gone far. He was sitting in the hallway, back against the wall, clutching his chest, his breathing shallow and erratic.
"I think I'm having a heart attack," his eyes looked wild and scared as they met mine.
I already had a globe of blood in hand and I embraced my blood magic.
It was as I had suspected. "No, you're not, I reassured him. "You're having a panic attack."
I kept my voice calm and matter-of-fact, even though I was worried. I had never seen him this way before.
"Look at, me, just look at me. Breathe in through your nose, and out, slowly through your mouth."
I could see it wasn't helping, he was too focussed on whatever had triggered the attack in the first place.
I kneeled in front of him and took his face in my hands. "Listen to me. Start counting backwards, from 8476 in increments of prime numbers. So minus 1, then 3, then 5, then 7, and so on."
"What?" He asked breathlessly, eying me incredulously.
"Trust me, just do it," I said.
"8475, 8472, 8467, 8460, 8449..." Loki's voice and breathing became steadier as he counted, and I ran into the kitchen to get him a glass of water. He was still counting when I came back, colour slowly returning to his cheeks. He gratefully accepted the glass as I sat down next to him.
"That worked," Loki admitted with a sigh. "Why did you make me count backwards?" he asked curiously.
"Jess gets panic attacks sometimes, and I learned that counting backwards helps to keep her mind occupied instead of focussing on whatever triggered her. It stops the brain from spiralling further."
"Why in increments of the prime numbers?"
"Because you are too smart, just counting backwards wouldn't be enough to keep your brilliant mind occupied, I had to add a bit of a challenge," I smiled.
Loki smiled back as he drank from the glass of water.
"I really wish that was something stronger right now."
"I can make you tea," I offered, knowing very well that wasn't what he meant.
"No, just stay here for a while, please."
We sat together in silence. I didn't want to push him, he would talk when he was ready.

"I never meant for you to find out this way." He finally said. "I had hoped I would have a little bit longer, just a little bit more time for us to be happy."
"Find out what, Loki?" I still had no idea what was going on, what he was referring to.
His eyes met mine, sad and tired and old.
"Before the past caught up with me and you'd finally know the truth about me, would finally understand just how much of a failure I am, how unworthy of you I truly am."
He fell silent again.
"I can't help you if you don't tell me what is happening," I pressed him gently.
Loki rubbed his eyes and ran his hand through his hair.
"I had hoped you would never have to know," he said softly.
"I can go outside and get the story from Sif, but I can't help but feel she doesn't know everything. I'd much rather hear your side first and get the whole truth."
"The truth? What makes you think you'll get the truth from me?"
"I know you," I said simply.
"You don't know me. You don't know me at all." Loki said bitterly.
"Then tell me, trust me. Like you have before.
I've stood by you so far, I won't leave you now."
"I wouldn't blame you if you did after this."
I wrapped an arm around his shoulder and pulled him closer.
"That isn't going to happen. Tell me what I need to know, so I can help."
Loki leaned against me for a moment, then sat up again. His eyes didn't meet mine, he stared off in the distance instead.