The Razor's Edge: A Jack Frost Fanfiction

Chapter 37

My next plan of action for getting Kate her memories back, was to visit Tooth Palace. Though the memory boxes hadn't always been the most reliable in my experience, they were our only option left. And despite my earlier hesitation to show her her memories, I had realized how much Kate's past could help us track down the Spirit Eater. He hadn't proposed anymore duals, and I didn't think he was going to now that we had the Light Spirit.

"Where's Tooth?" I asked as Kate and I barged in the front doors.

Dozens of startled fairies looked our way.

"Over here," Tooth shouted from the top of a tall case holding memory boxes. She fluttered around, organizing new boxes as fast as an ADHD squirrel on his second cup of coffee.

My eye's hurt from trying to trace her movements with them, so I decided to rest them in the spot she returned to to get more of the memories.

"We need Kate's memories, do you know where they are?" I asked over the noise of many fluttering wings.

"Sure, here," Tooth said as she flew over to another shelf and tossed down a memory box.

I barely caught it and knocked myself in the head with my staff in the process. I rubbed the spot sheepishly as I passed the box to Kate.

She stared at it for a moment, as if unsure what to do or if she wanted to do it.

"Are you okay?" I asked quietly.

"Yeah... I kind of have to be. The fate of the world is sort of resting on our shoulders." Kate laughed nervously. She took a breath, and then another. "Okay, I'm ready." She placed her hand over the box and closed her eyes.

I assumed everything was going according to plan because Kate stayed like that for about 30 seconds before opening her eyes again.

"Isn't something supposed to have happened by now?" Kate asked.

"Oh, I forgot to tell you," Tooth said as she flew down to us. "Sometimes the memories of a spirit can only be conditionally accessed."

"What?" I asked in utter disbelief. Was that why I didn't get all of my memories back the first time, and why I couldn't access the rest for a while?

"Let's say in your life you had something you didn't want to accept, or as a spirit you had started to lose your center. If either of those is your case, you have to resolve the conflict within yourself before you can access your memories.

Well that's just rich. She didn't think to tell me that? I sighed. It was over with, no use dwelling. The information would help Kate here and now, that was what mattered.

"Kate you said you didn't know if you wanted to remember some things, didn't you?"

Kate looked at her hands holding the box, shame clear on her face. "Yeah, I'm sorry. I know we're in a hurry, it's just hard."

"It's okay," I said pulling her into a hug. "If you see something you didn't like remembering, I'm right here for you. But I've learned that you have to know yourself. To understand yourself and why you are who you are is essential to growing from your pain. If there are holes in your memory, or things you refuse to accept, then you won't be able to do that."

"Thank you, Jack. I needed to hear that." Kate squeezed me tighter. "I think I'm ready now. But I'm gunna stay here," Kate said referring to our hug.

"That's alright." I put my hand on her head and stroked her hair comfortingly.

I felt her arms loosen around me as she touched the memory box again behind my back. She went rigid for a moment, then came back to reality with a weight to her eyes. The memories only took seconds to remember, but it always felt like years.

Kate sobbed and dropped the box behind me. My heart wrenched as she squeezed me with all her pain.

"I've got you, it's okay." I was holding back tears myself.

Tooth awkwardly floated in the corner of the room, staring at the scene. I met her gaze and she motioned to the door that she would give us a moment alone. As she left, her fairies followed, shooting sympathetic looks at Kate.

I let her cry into my chest for a few moments without saying anything. Whatever she needed, I would be. When her cries subsided, I finally spoke again.

"Are you okay love?"

Kate sniffed and wiped her eyes. "Yeah, sorry. I'm fine. Thank you."

"Of course, and you don't need to apologize for anything. I saw your past, anyone would have reacted that way."

Kate suddenly looked embarrassed. "Oh right, you did see that." She wouldn't meet my gaze anymore.

"Hey, I'm not judging you. I don't feel or think any differently toward you. If anything I feel closer to you knowing more about you. I can be there for you better when I know what's wrong." It was at the look Kate gave me that I realized what a hypocrite I was being.

Having the focus of the heartfelt conversation switched to me made me want to squirm. But I promised I'd tell her and we were about to go on a dangerous mission. I figured there wasn't a better time than when you're possibly about to die, to spill all of your innermost thoughts.

"Are you ready to tell me what's wrong so I can be there for you too? Or is this a one way savior complex thing?" Kate asked with a sarcastic smile as she broke away from our hug.

I sighed. "Yeah... I knew that was coming," I laughed nervously. Despite my heart racing, I knew I was finally ready to come clean about everything. She was the right person, and it was as close to the right time as I was going to get. So I told her. I told her how lonely I felt, and how a voice in my head (that I now knew was the Spirit Eater) was telling me horrible things about myself. How easy it was to believe those things, and how I still do. How guilty I felt for everything I've ever done in my life, even if it didn't necessarily warrant guilt. "I just can't even stand to be in my own skin," I admitted.

Kate reached back in for a hug. For the first time, I realized I was grateful for somethings too. This skin I hated so much allowed me to feel Kate's touch. I was grateful to be alive, or something close to it, because I got to meet her and the other guardians. I get to help the children of the world and bring them joy. There was so much more to love about existence than there was to hate, and I hadn't noticed until now. The hatred and sadness blocked out all of the wonderful things. If I had just looked past my self pity, I could have seen them sooner.

"I've decided I'm going to tell the other guardians about my... issue. If we make it back from this I mean," I said.

"You mean when. The Spirit Eater ran like a baby last time we fought him," Kate said smugly.

"Yeah, but I can't help but feel like we were missing something. If you and I had been enough to defeat him last time, wouldn't we have gotten rid of him for good?"

"You were injured last time. If we strike him both at once maybe it'll work," Kate suggested.

"Maybe. The other guardian's powers didn't do much against him other than Sandy. But he's still recovering from the first fight, so I don't think we should bring them along this time. They'll be the only hope the world has left if we fail."

"I agree. We should get going now, before Tooth comes back and asks us what we're up to," Kate said as she turned to leave.

"Wait," I grabbed her arm. "Where are we going? Did you find something out in your memories?"

"I'm not sure where he's hiding, but I know where to start looking. My old house in Algoma Michigan."