The Secrets Within Pages

Burn

Change, is a splodge of ink on the paper that holds our story and she spills whenever she pleases. It is up to us, as humans, to decide whether we look at that change as good or bad. Is the splodge of ink ruining the page? Or is it painting the page with opportunity? 

It takes a strong mind and an even stronger heart to see it as the latter, especially when one is pained by that change.

The first lesson without Osbourne had approached. A feeling of disdain churned inside me, perhaps hiding how I actually felt. Afraid, nervous, and a little angry. At the new professor? At Silas? At the world? I know not. It was that irrational feeling everyone gets when faced with the unexpected, with change. The fear of the unknown.

I enter class, the walls no longer feel welcoming and warm. Rather, reserved and suspicious of the newcomer, of a world without Osbourne. Whom they were very fond of for the past however many years he'd made this place his home. To my surprise, my eyes fall on Mrs.Osbourne. 

"Good Morning Eleanor, please come in." She greeted, standing behind Professor's desk, a pleasant smile on her face. 

I reciprocated her greetings and made my way to my seat, trying to hide any residual shock lingering on my face. The room was empty. Not one person. 

I unpack my bag, readying myself for the lesson. 

"There'll be no need for that, Miss.Burroughs." Mrs. Osbourne announces, her voice like traffic stopping me in my tracks. 

"Ah Mr.Golding, welcome." Her voice an echo in the empty hall.

I snap my head toward the door. Sure enough, he was standing there. 

"I was just about to begin the lesson. Please, find a seat next to Miss. Burroughs." 

His walk towards me felt like an eternity. He sits a chair away from me. As though he is too repulsed to sit right next to me. It was the complete opposite. It is I who has the right to be repulsed by him. He who deemed it unnecessary to show up at his Professor's funeral, he who found it amusing to joke and flirt during a time of danger and death. I couldn't stand the sight of him.

"Did you miss me?" He whispers. 

If looks could kill, Golding would drop dead. For the look I strike him, is nothing less than fatal. He's lucky I don't know how to wield a dagger. Not yet at least. 

"Oh darling, you know how I love it when you scowl." He breathes, grinning at me.

Mrs. Osbourne clears her throat, dragging our attention to her. "I'm not one for formal introductions. As you know, I was Professor Osbourne's wife." 

Was.

She speaks very minimal of her husband or herself which is understandable. Walking in front the desk and leaning on it, she continues, "I will be your replacement teacher for the rest of the year. I've been informed that for the majority of this year you've been focusing on Shakespeare. Now, considering the unfortunate events that have taken place in the past couple of weeks, I will not begin the first lesson with a hefty workload. Having said that you have already missed a lot of content. So, in this lesson I will propose a scenario that will test your morals, challenge your mind and leave you questioning who it is you truly are by the end of it."

That had been the story of my life for the past few weeks. And yet, I was intrigued. She gestured for us to move toward her. 

"Miss. Burroughs, please" She reached a hand out, asking for permission to move me. I grab her hand as she moves me in front of Golding, pushing us too close to each other.  

"Mr. Golding, you are in love with Miss.Burroughs, she is your wife." 

Stunned, I shift in my spot. She pushes me back, Silas keeps unwavering eye contact with me as he smirks, enjoying my discomfort. 

"However, to your knowledge, she has committed adultery. You are enraged, but women of this time are punished for such actions." She pauses, allowing the situation to sink in.

"Now, will you kill the love of your life? I mean you're justified too considering she broke your trust. Or will you let her live and have her cast out of society, labelled a whore?" 

He thought for a moment, eyes wholly on me, rimmed in contemplation. "Death would be too merciful, too easy. Whereas, the latter forces her to face the consequences of her own actions." 

"You would let your wife suffer?" I spat, without a second thought. 

She stares at us.

"She lost that title the second she lay in another man's bed." He came closer, our faces mere inches apart.

As if in response to my scorn he says, "Pray tell, if the roles were reversed, and it was me, your husband, what would you do?"

I felt my cheeks heat, my heart thumping in my chest. Anger- fire rising within me. 

"I would do worse. Especially, if it was you." I hissed, gritting my teeth. 

One. Two. Our gazes burning the other, scorns intertwining.

"Alright, that's quite enough." Our new Professor spoke, her voice like a blade slicing the thick air that permeates around us.   

"Eleanor, you are a renowned figure. You have been given a higher position by one who is superior to you in rank, one whom you are directly under and if they're gone- you have all the power. You have the opportunity to eliminate this competitor and receive all the glory. However, it isn't guaranteed if you ever will beat them or you'll pass before they do. Now, do you beat them by your own accord, despite how long it takes and risk the chance you might never best them? Or take all that you desire as it is right in your grasp, by any means necessary?" Her tone lowers as she asks the final question, launching me into introspection.

I tackle this as anyone would. As any of Osbourne's students would. I question it from every angle. Does this harm the other? Do they deserve it? Do I get to decide who deserves anything? Do I benefit long term or momentary pleasure before an inevitable downfall? Am I being fooled? For only a fool lusts for power without truly understanding how to control it. My mind unwinds into a chaos of words, spiralling with thoughts and theories, questions and queries that poke at my brain. And it is in this moment I understand why it is I chose to study Literature.

Because as much as it heals me it drives me insane, and insanity I thought, was never always a bad trait.

"I do not believe the one who cheats their way into power or prestige is deserving of it. When you lose with honour you still have respect, but when you win by cheating..." I drift off. "Like a king with no subjects, useless and insignificant."

She looks at me for a while, studying me. "Insightful. The both of you. I understand why Gael was so fond of you two." A wistful smile, tugged on her mouth.

I hoped that'd hit Golding with a pang of guilt. That Professor was fond of him too, and he didn't even have the decency to pay his respects at the funeral.