The Secrets Within Pages

Death Grew Too Fond Of Me

Was there a name for the place between life and death? That dark chasm we fall into when trying to crawl back into conciousness.

What I didn't know about it though, was how alluring it was. How hauntingly enticing.

Such comfort there was in darkness. Such seduction.

Amidst flashes of light and the sting of shattered glass under my palms, my head pounds with such force, the aching migraine deafening me. Somewhere near, I hear a groan and the sound of shuffling.

My eyes, weak and heavy, barely managing to lift and peer at my surroundings.

I see the vague outlines of Pedro as he, staggeringly, attempts to free himself from the car debris.

I shut my eyes, trying to calm myself. I take a deep breath before seizing in pain, a tightness forms in my chest as though a dagger pierces my lungs. I bite my lips, pressing my palms into the seat to push myself up and move my legs. Numbness tingles all over my body, the scent of copper fills my nose as I touch my upper lip to find blood streaming down. I tug my sleeve up and drag it across the bleeding, holding up my head.

A loud howl sounds from the distance, siezing me. My head jolts upwards as I squint my eyes at the horizon. Streetlights flicker overhead, fog permeating the air.

"Pedro!" A loud voice bellows.

Pedro, still clawing at the jammed seatbelt, hastens in panic.

My gaze scans the road outside. Peeking through the gaps of trees, I catch a glimpse of the abandoned helipad.

"Pedro!" The powerful voice ripples through the air once more.

I look to the tall figure emerging onto the road, stalking toward us.

Silas.

A breath escapes me. Pedro yelps.

"Eleanor." Silas whispers, holding my cheek with his calloused hands, worried eyes scanning me. I slide my weary arms up his shoulders as he grasps the jammed seatbelt, shaking it vigorously until it unlatches. I interlock my fingers, holding his neck tighter as he gently moves to lift me out of the debris. I lay my head in the crook of his neck, eyes trailing up his face, noticing his dishevelled hair, the cuts and bruises that detail his jaw and eye, the stubble beginning to grow.

The click of a seatbelt sounds followed by a whip as Pedro tosses it to the side. Silas places me down before lunging at him.

"What had I warned you about?" He manages through gritted teeth, trailing a gun down Pedro's terrified face, eyes widened, nose flared.

"Please, please Silas." He whimpers. Silas grasps his shirt tighter, lip curling, eyes narrowing as he shakes his head slowly, clocking the gun on his forehead.

"Silas, stop!" I yell, arms raised, treading carefully toward them.

"He could've killed you." He whispers. "He could've killed you." He says once more, voice ragged and short of breath, eyes fixed on Pedro, knuckles whitening as his grip tightens.

I tilt my head, eyes darting all over. "But I am alright. Look."

He shakes his head, stammering. "He- he could've-"

"But he didn't." I say, carefully, touching his arm. "Listen to me, Silas. Look at me, nowhere else." His head, hanging low, slowly lifts to meet my gaze. Brows knit together, fear ringed his eyes, a well of loneliness, so much swirls within them, a raging sea-

What a tormented soul lay beneath.

Fragments of the war he fought alone were pouring through cracks he could no longer hide. I falter, a lump forming in my throat as I behold Silas with all his darkness. The unimaginable pain one must endure to be shoved into such depths of ruin. The guise of sarcasm and confidence, the facade of perfection that he had forged over the years of academic success, one I was so fooled into believing, shattered all at once and I saw through the little boy yearning for love. I see the broken man trying to mend himself but falling time and time again.

Slowly, I lift my arm, fingers settling on his cheek. I hold his wrist as he holds the gun and gently lower his hand. He doesn't stop me. His grip on Pedro's shirt loosens, freeing him. He drops the weapon, hands still balled in fists, lips pressed tightly together, eyes shut.

Stop fighting.

I tilt his head to meet mine.

"What have I done?" His voice, hoarse, every syllable doused in remorse.

Tears pool in my eyes, words failing me. 

"Tell me, Eleanor. What redemption waits for me?" He says under his breath, placing his hand on mine as I hold his face, strained with sorrow.

I bite my lip to hold back everything that dares escape through the gates that I had built so high.

We couldn't both break.

My fingertips delicately trail the side of his face, eyes following the downward slope of his mouth, the heaviness under his dark eyes, the deep crease of his brows as he implores me desperately.

We all come into this world, pure and hungry for life, rare jewels waiting to be shaped and forged into greatness-

But life is cruel and humans, crueller.

Rather than being carved and sculpted carefully, with love and craft, some are cut jaggedly, nicked and scratched, fingers muddling it's clarity- until it no longer shines, dulled and void of vibrancy.

When such evil seeps into the bones of unwitting victims, it spreads until every inch of their souls have succumbed to the hopelessness of their perpetrators-

And thus, the world is littered with dead plants.

Silas falls into my arms, head in the crook of my neck as he holds me desperately, sobbing. A hollowness settles in my stomach, pain like shards of glass stabbing me from the inside as I wrap my arms around his trembling body, burying my head in his shoulder to stifle the cry that threatens to tear through me.

How we have fallen from that very first moment my soul beheld yours.

How greatly we've declined, my love.

How terrible the fate of sinners.

Yours, the ignorance of all that plagued you.

Mine, loving you so blindly.

And yet, I'd do it all over again.

I would drink the poison knowing that it would kill me if it meant experiencing even a mite of the love that lingers in the ruins of your heart.

And even as the sirens sound, approaching closer and closer, we read the same ending in each others eyes.

So is the fate of the insatiable.