Shut Up and Review

#19: The Lightless Star

The Lightless Star
I've read chapters 1-5, let's break it down about this.

Characters:
Astra - A queen who's tired of the royal life and had many assassination attempts.
Elliot (not his real name) - Betrothed to Astra by an arranged marriage and the man who plotted to kill her.

Plot:
The description of Varhia and giving little facts about the place is well written for worldbuilding. Even the details of the outfits are intricate, it feels like the writer is the tailor.

The main characters are interesting, to say, but not much.

This is where I start the cons–though, it is part of their personality so not really a con nor positive either.

I find Astra a bit confusing and bland or impatient with her. I know I've read up to five chapters but during reading, I find her actions questionable. She's a queen which means she's in control to the people under her. Of course, I know being royalty or a president doesn't mean you have full control, it's actually the group behind them, but I kind of wish she would at least break off the 'strings' a bit and stand her ground.

Don't get me wrong I didn't miss the part of her having some past trauma made her stay silent and submissive to one of her minister because she fears of getting the consequences she doesn't want to receive, however, the part where she can just compensate her servants by providing medical help just feels an insult. She's willing to let the man keep abusing his powers on any servant while in return she nurses them back to health and lets it recircle over and over?

It would've been better if she just abdicated her throne and escaped the palace. But there isn't much info on the Denholm family so me having no knowledge if there's another live relative makes sense why she remained as queen.

I just hope in the later chapters there's development from her. One where she gains strength and a loud voice to prove her rights as a strong woman.
Elliot is an interesting character but just that: a charmer, encrypted, and bold. He's an assassin but seems to enjoy playing cat and mouse with Astra. They must have a sparking connection which made him hesitant on finishing her. Not gonna lie though, I feel for Astra that he's a thorn in the side with him being the curious cat. (More like the Cheshire cat from Alice in Wonderland.)

For writing, the writer mentioned English is not their first language. Let me tell you, most of the people I've met online whose English is their second (or whatever number) does good writing and so is this story.

But I recommend finding an editor for punctuations and which paragraph to break or not break. Also to note the word is 'betrothed', not 'bethroed'. And maybe ask someone if the use of 'I' is too much or not. Overall, these are minor problems you can always polish when you're done with the plot (which is currently completed).

Note: There's also a sequel to this but it's not complete.