Shut Up and Review

#29: Crashed Into You

I've read chapters 1-4, let's break it down about this.

Character: (This is a mix-up from the story's bio chapter with my own)

Pari - A woman who comes for (supposedly) her sister's wedding. She would try to avoid the in-laws and enjoy the fun times.

Advik - A software engineer worker and potential lover to Pari.

Plot:
Let me clarify that what I review here isn't meant to degrade the story. Almost all tales have potential but the reason people want feedback and criticism is because they want to learn or keep note for future use. So take a deep breath before proceeding to read this.

This one's a personal thing so the author can choose to skip this or not.

The use of symbols on all the chapter titles are not something I'm interested in and make me want to avoid. This isn't a random genre book but a story novel so I couldn't quite understand what's the purpose of the symbols.

Regarding the bio chapter (which is the first chapter of the book), having aesthetics is fine but the info on these characters is kind of too much. I would rather know a character's info by the way they act and express in the scenes of the plot rather than a guide telling me, 'this is MC A. They're 21 and have an office job. They're cold on the outside but a big softie on the inside.'. (That's an example but you get the gist.)

Again, this is something to skip over or you can consider it and ask other reviewers/critics/people what the majority thinks.
Now the serious part.

Chapter 1 needs so much work. First, as this is completed, that means plenty of time to edit (or finding an editor). There are punctuation errors and the use of italics for dialogue is incorrect. Italics are only for use of letters (excluding emails), internal thoughts, emphasis on a word (e;g "He's mine."), and other things. Even if it begins in the past, this isn't a person's flashback so it's fine to use just normal letters for dialogue.

The first meeting was cute but it lacks details. It felt more like a prologue than a real chapter and the characters were bland. The scene was too quick like A bumped into B, they met for the first time, and went their separate ways, next chapter! Even the part Pari described of Advik's features just didn't captivate my attention. I'm not saying sculpt him into an adonis, no. What I mean is that there's words of what he looks but what made Pari focus on his face? Like the soft curls make her want to touch, ok. She mentioned he had the softest brown eyes that she had ever seen, compared with who? There are no other people with the softest brown eyes? Or is it by his tender expression that made her think his eyes are soft?

I don't even know much about Swapna either. Is she a best friend to Pari? A classmate? Just a random extra that we (readers) won't see her in the future chapters?

In chapter 2, describe to readers the senses in Dharwad. Pari felt the weather change around her. Like what does it mean? Pari was sweating as if she had run a marathon. So does it mean it was a very hot day or how hot was it? What did the view look like? Can she hear any outside noise or was it quiet while driving? Speaking of driving, if she was sweating, didn't she turn on the car's AC? Or was it broken?

See what I mean when I say 'senses'? There's gonna be questions from some readers because the story didn't cover the details of the MC's narrative. Sure, writers have answers and replies to readers but there are some things you can add to the story.
It was also confusing to learn who's wedding this was if Advik's aunt and one of the guests didn't mention Advik's cousin and Pari's sister.
Here's another question.

Why did Pari visit her home in the first place and did she not know about the wedding? If she did know, how come she couldn't guess the people coming to her parent's house were wedding guests and in-laws?

Let me just lay out the missing key points here.
- Need lots of editing work

- Lack of worldbuilding, senses (aka smell, hear, touch, etc...), character/event info

- Confusing and/or repeated dialogue (e;g in chapter 4, Pari's dialogue with Advik has at least 4 times of 'where are you/we going?')

Maybe the novel is a first draft and that's ok to have an unpolished look. Plenty of writers aren't perfect and so am I as well. So since the plot is finished, I recommend the author check out a title called Paint Me Saved here on Wattpad and study the writing. In NO WAY am I implying to copy another author's writing style or me making comparisons. Think of it as a homework lesson so they can understand this review and one day, an improved version means more readers.