Dear Husband

4

Dear husband,

You are sleeping right now and sleep has eluded my mind. I'm all awake at 2 pm in the night writing this secret letter to you, and there is a reason behind this. And I need to vent this out of my system.

You had called up in the afternoon and had asked me to arrange a house party for some of your friends. It was a first. You had never really brought friends at home. When I used to ask why, you always used to say that home is our personal space and you do not want outsiders to intrude in our personal space! Trust me your answer took away my heart once again and I had again fallen in love with you. Like I always do with you with every small thing.

But then today you contradicted your own words and asked me to prepare for a party, calling in the intruders yourself! Why Sidharth? Why are you changing your ways! I know we need to adapt to new things in life but this is something that is going opposite to your own beliefs! We always arranged for get togethers at some restaurants right? We could have done that today as well.

But like always, you are excellent with words and you kind of always have your ways with others. Like you had your ways with me today as well. You convinced me stating they are important people from your office and you really need to impress them for the pending promotion.

Ok, point taken. I was convinced and I had agreed. But then why did you ask me to wear something elegant and nice and classy and " alluring"? Did you want to impress your bosses with your wife! Showcasing and alluring them with my charms! Was that the reason?

I had wanted to ask you but could not. I had to refrain. Beacuse everytime now a days I try to confront you with something, either it falls to your deaf ears or we end up with a fight regarding that. You never really try to understand my point of view to anything these days. It's always you and the way you want it and it's always me following your commands like a dutiful wife! Although I don't want to but there is simply no way I have to put forward my perceptions to you these days. I thought we had great understanding between us. I thought you always mentioned to speak out any discomfort in my heart.

I wanted to Sidharth! I really wanted to. I didn't want to ruin this humble abode of ours with that get together. This is our place. Yours and mine. Yet I had to because you wanted it that way. And I had to abide by your protocols once again.

And then again I didn't want to get myself dressed the way you wanted me to. And so I didn't. But like always these days I had fall for your protocols once again. You came back and you made me change into this dress that was way beyond what I am. It was classy, it was elegant and it was alluring!

A strapless one piece from Neeta Lulla!

I know woman would die to get a lifestyle like this. To be able to wear designer brand and such classy dresses, it might be the dream and fantasy of so many women, exactly the things you spat on my face and made me believe!

Oh sorry not spat on my face but just highlighted! I'm sorry I forgot you never do the wrong. It's always me. Like you defended this evening. And again I had to abide by your protocols and follow your command. I seem to do that a lot these days, following your protocols and you seem to make me follow them a little too much these days. By "highlighting" your points!

Fair enough!

But Sidharth how did you forget this is so not me that you are trying to turn me into. I'm not this classy and elegant lady who can host elegant parties for your delegates and bosses! I'm so not that flawless perfect wife of yours that you wanted to portray to your friends. I did not cook those delicacies. Spaghetti, chicken casserole, Panzenella, Bruschetta, Stuffed Ravioli, Tiramisu.... Sidharth I can't seem so pronounce these names rest aside cooking them! I don't even know if they are cooked or baked!

I didn't like how they tasted either Sidharth. I don't know if you had noticed or not, but I had been just tossing around with the food. You had it all ordered from the restaurant... Oh sorry Bistro . Then why did you lie to them? How does it  matter if I had cooked them personally or not! I'm your wife and not theirs that my cooking Italian dishes would be their parameter to give you a promotion!

And my dress! How on fucking earth would me revealing half of my bosoms will provoke them to promote you? Did you even how uncomfortable I was! Oh fuck my comfort, did you even care how brutally and lustfully their gazes were roaming on my entire body the whole fucking evening?

Oh what a fool I am! How on earth would you notice right! You were so busy pleasing your precious guests that you had no time to check your own wife!

I'm not this Sidharth. I'm not this sophisticated wife that you are trying to make me. I'm your old desi Shehnaaz who has no idea of table etiquettes and manners other than some basics! Your humble and down to earth Shehnaaz who could never think of wearing anything similar to what I wrote today. Your "jigar ka tukda" Shehnaaz whose western wear limited itself to jeans and capris. And I thought you loved me the way I am! And I thought you wanted me to remain the way I'm.

" Never lose your essence for anyone Shehnaaz".. remember the words! These were yours Sidharth! Only now you seem to have forgotten your own ethics and beliefs to this fake world of facade.

Never mind, I'll try to keep my cool and follow the vows I had promised to keep at our wedding till I can. To be there by your side at every thick and thin and give you every support you might need in the course of life!

I will keep my promise my dear husband till my last breath. And the day I will realise that I can't anymore would be my last day on this earth.

Till then, I will keep loving you like I did yesterday.

Yours and only yours
Shehnaaz

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