Dear Husband

13

Dear husband,

Blip is gone. Yes, you heard it right. Blip, our blip. He is gone. I......miscarried Sidharth.

Do you want to know how? Ok let me rephrase that, you might not want to know how right. After all he was your cause of anger hai na? But still since this is a letter and not the real you, let me tell you how.

And that is the worst part that I dont know how and why it happened. I had a miscarriage Sidharth. Everything was going fine. I was doing fine. Blip was also doing fine. Yet, one fine morning I wake up to a bed soaked with blood. My and Blip's blood!

And just like that, he was gone....

Sidharth you wouldn't imagine what I have been through these past weeks.

It was.... Scary. There was an abyss that I can't even explain. Jab maine subah woh blood soaked sheet dekha na, I went through hell. And as I went to the washroom, I felt him slipping out of me. There was clots, so much clots running down and then, there was this one thick big lump of a clot, right there on our washroom floor. No, it wasn't just a clot. It was inhumanely big. Like a golf ball. I could see it right in front of my eyes and I just knew it was him. Our blip. And my heart just died right then and there.

The rest was a chaos. Complete, utter chaos. I have no idea how I cleaned myself and the mess of our child in the washroom. I have no idea how I gathered myself and went to the hospital. I have no idea when they asked me to get admitted for a D&C. It all happened in a haze. And I just did all of that without a heart and soul present in my body. I did it all....all alone!

Yes Sidharth, all alone. And in the course of life and our togetherness, your promise of always being with me through every thick and think just vaped out. There was noone beside me to hold me through that immense pain. There was no one to give me the support that Blip was alright. It was all me telling myself that things are fine. It was me gathering my shattered self up to drive to the hospital for a check up because my subconscious mind knew already that things were not right but like any other woman, I was in a denial mode. My metaworld was telling me to belive that Blip was fine.

But eventually he was not and my life just came to a stand point where I feel I'm dead from inside. There is nothing left to hold on to us. There is nothing left to hope. We are falling apart Sidharth. I'm falling apart. And I have no idea how long I'll be able to hold myself or us together. Come back Sidharth, I need you now. Come back to me. Please. I wish you could hear me out now, or let me scream out my pains. But it's all a mere wish. Just a wish. A wish is all our relationship is left with.

Anyways, be happy, always. Not just your secret wish came true, but there's still a part left in me that could never wish harm to you at all. Even after being through so much just because of you. Take care of yourself Sidharth. You have only yourself to care for now. You failed to take care of me. At least care for yourself with the sense of responsibility that you were born with.

Yours and only yours,
Shehnaaz

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