Dear Husband

11

Dear husband,

I wish you had the integrity to give a little time to me.. Aaj chaat khane ka bada mann kar raha hai Sidharth.. I feel like gulping down the whole of whatever the chaatwala bhaiya has to offer.
Hayee I'm drooling already. Is this what you call the pregnancy cravings like they show in movies? I really have no freaking idea, but just the imagination of the chat is leaving a burst of tingling sensation over my taste buds. As if I can already feel and savor the taste of those papris. And this is making me go berserk to hog down the entire stall!

Anyways, I guess I'll have to deal with this craving myself. I guess I'll have to deal with a thousand of such upcoming cravings myself right? So I'll have to make a start somewhere right? So I'll be there for my baby to fulfill all his absurd cravings. There's no dirth of money! There's a big fat bank balance with my name that proudly proclaims the high standard of life that you have successfully managed to provide me with.

Only, I do not have a companion today with whom I can enjoy that chaat with. There's no one to accompany me to the stall. There's no assurance that I can absolutely order an extra plate of the chaat without any worries that if I'm unable to finish it up, there will be someone who will retort to that task on my behalf. Without any worries that my whimsical craving and order for that extra plate will go to waste. There's no one to tell me k " kha le meri jaan jitna kha sakti hai. Baki k liye main hu na!"

Remember those days Sidharth? How sinfully beautiful those days were. You would come to pick me up from the cafe by the end of the evening, no matter how busy you would be. And then you would take me to chawpati without even asked for and get me that plate of chaat anyways. Some days when I would want an extra plate but fret over the fact that if I couldn't finish it, the money would go to waste and you would just tap my head and ask me to go for whatever I want and not to hold myself back overthinking about the money. That you are there to earn every extra penny that I would like to waste on that extra plate of chaat!

Good'ol days hai na! We might not have had this big fat bank balance back then, but we certainly had ample love to overpower this economical instability. We were sustainable Sidharth. At least we had time for each other. No matter how hard the day would be, we still had time for each other. Ek dusre ko dekhe bina din khatm nahi hota tha! We had love!

And now, you just don't want to come across me anymore. Why? Because I chose to nurture YOUR baby within me. Freaking wow! Or is there something else that's bothering you? Are you out of love with me Sidharth? Is that the reason you keep on running away from me! Tell me Sidharth, if that is the case, please man up and tell me. I promise I will never try to persuade you without your will or consent. Chali jaungi main aisa kuch hai toh, but please speak up. It's been 10 days that you are gone. No phone calls no texts... Is that how a relationship runs?

Anyways, I had promised myself to be happy. So no more sadistic topics here. Let me update you on my pregnancy reports. I have started with the pregnancy symptoms. Not just with the cravings, but also with morning sickness. It's been a week that I'm dealing with it and let me tell you, it's bad. Specially the mornings. I wake up feeling punish and the whole day I feel squeamish. I have this inconsequential hunger growing up within me. It's humongous, you cannot even imagine. Every two hours, I need to have something go down my tummy otherwise the sickness amplifies. There forms a lump at the base of my throat after two hours and if i don't take something before that, the whole day goes to waste, puking my guts out.

Seems like your boy is one big foodie already! Just like his father!

Sidharth... Don't you miss this? Feeling your baby grow within me each day, don't you really miss this? Uncovering his traits and developments with each passing day!

Main bhi na. No matter how much I decide to not to lament and cry, I keep on deviating to that same lane again and again. Please don't mind my words. I guess I'm going through a hormonal imbalance that's making me more emotional these days. Just ignore, I'll manage eventually.

Oh, I forgot to let you know, I have joined Danny uncle's cafe again. I feel bored and lonely sitting at home and doing nothing all day. You have left behind too much money and too many staffs to take care of the house. I'm practically left with no work at all. And Danny uncle had been considerate enough to let me in again. I'm the manager at the cafe now. I don't serve th table anymore. He just won't listen to me and gave me a promotion. Salary is not much and I don't mind it either. I know his financial condition and like you say, I'm not in derth of any money. You seem to be earning more than enough. But it feels good to be around people for the most of the day! The loneliness doesn't bug me much. Cafe mei, logo k beech how time flies, I don't even feel it.

Only the night seems to be never ending. Like right now, I feel this whole house will eat me up. Not a soul around to sit and share even my silence with. Just me and my baby, that is all I have.

No.. I will not lament. Let me enjoy my silence with my kid. I'm sure he will not ditch me like his father did. So good night. Have a nice sleep, I'm sure you are having one. I get a little difficulty to fall asleep at night. Aur irony dekho, I can't even take those pills anymore. So I guess I'll have to stay awake for most part of the night like I have been doing the past few days. I have my music though to keep me a good company. Want to know what I'm listening right now. I bet you will love the song. Again, irony to our situation..

Mere dil k lifafe mei
Tera khat hai janiya
Nacheez ne kaisa pa Li
Kismat ye janiya we...

Bas, khat mere hai aur lifafe tumhare!

Take care Sidharth.. Bye..

Yours and only yours
Shehnaaz

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