Dear Husband

7

Sidharth,

Kyu? Why? Why did you do this to me . I can't feel anything, I don't understand what to say. Words are failing me Sidharth. My hopes are failing me . How could you do this to me?

How could anyone do this to someone who's their own? Kya ye bacha tumhara nahi hai! Didn't you feel any connection with your own flesh and blood! Then how could you dismiss this boon so casually Sidharth!

You asked me to abort this child! Abortion Sidharth? But why? What reasons do we have to unnecessarily kill a life! No, I'm not someone who thinks of abortion like a taboo, but then Sidharth we should have valid reasons to terminate a pregnancy hai na! We don't have any! You are financially secured. We are six years into our marriage. We have taken ample time for ourselves, then why abortion Sidharth? Why?

Kya tumhe zara sa bhi kuch nahi feel hua while uttering this word! How could you turn to be so heartless Sidharth? How can you sleep so peacefully after ruining my every expectation and hope! How!

Do you even realise the kind of dreams I had already started to weave around this baby! Do you?

No you can't. Because in the quest for success you've successfully sacrificed that delicate heart of yours a long time back. The heart that was so pure and beautiful once upon a time. You've lost it Sidharth. You've turned to become this cold hearted professional who can only understand the language of  fintech and nothing else.

Tumhe pata hai Sidharth, I had already started to imagine his small arms and feet folder together, the way he might be curled inside my womb now . I had started to imagine how he might look now. I had started to hog the internet so that I could have a detailed knowledge of everything that I can do to safeguard from every plights. I have started taking interest in science only because I wanted to be well aware of every kind of possible threat. Itne magazines padhe, itne articles padhe... For nothing! How can this be Sidharth?

Didn't your soul stir even for a second before uttering out this impossible imagination? It's our baby Sidharth! Our baby. You know I wanted to thrash this whole place down when you asked me to terminate our baby. I had wanted to burn down this whole place, I was so enraged. But then, all inside. From outside, you have turned me to this silent woman who hardly has a voice of her own. It's all you in this relationship. Just you and only you. I've taken a backfoot a long timr back. I'm barely surviving, with a strong hope that you will sort everything out one day. You will right! I had every belief that you will. But with this dictation of your judgement tonight, my every hope shattered Sidharth. Will we be ever ok! Please say a yes. Please.

Pata hai Sidharth, I had so diligently arranged for every possible way to give you a surprise with this news. Woh small socks, the cut baby frame, these petals on bed, the romantic candle light dinner, this dress, the kind you like to see me in nowadays, I did it all, just for you Sidharth. I wanted to see that breathtaking smile on that face of yours when you would get to unveil the newz of our pregnancy.

Our pregnancy! Yehi kehte hai na log aajkal. " We are pregnant". " Our pregnancy". How romantic and beautiful it sounds Sidharth. Fir kyu mere kaan taraste reh gaye ye sunne ko. Kyu tumhare andar woh Khushi aya hi nahi? Kyu sab kuch barbaad kar diya tumne? Why Sidharth?

How easily you asked me to terminate it right? It Sidharth? Ye baby is a thing to you? How could you even address our baby an it!

I guess you are right Sidharth! Koi matlab hi nahi banta isko ek aise insaan k paas lane ka jisko ek bache aur cheezon mei koi farq nazar nahi ata. I guess you are right . I should get an abortion. It's better to kill him than to give him a heartless father right?

I don't know Sidharth. I don't know a thing. Kaise karungi ye. Kaise isko khatam karungi. How .when.. I have no fucking clue. Can you help me Sidharth. I feel like I'm dying inside. The void is intensifying. Please help me. Please...

Oh what a moron I'm. You would be elated with my moroseness right now wouldn't you. That is what you have wanted. That is what you have wished for. That is why you are sleeping so peacefully after passing on this ruthless judgement over me hai na. You are sleeping Sidharth and I'm dying here.

See where your ambition has led us to...

I can't write more. I have no words left inside me. Not even grudges for tonight.. I feel numb, soulless. Like a corpse. I don't know when this will end, if I will be able to survive or not.. In case I don't, you should know that I love you. I do. Although I feel more like a strong detestation towards you right now, yet, I still love you like a fool. I don't know if I'll ever be able to unlove you ever.

Let's just call it a night Sidharth. There is no point in talking to a spineless man I guess. One day, if ever you will come across these letters of mine, you will get to know the damage you did to me over all these years. I hope you find them one day and I hope you will go through the same pain that I'm going through right now. And I hope you will have no one to hold you and comfort you then, like I have no one beside me right now.

And again, the hopelessly in love with you I'm, the heart still yearns that you never find these letters and go through the pain even as I'm uttering this to you .

I love you this madly. I hope you will do something to keep this madness alive . But do something to keep this madness alive. Don't kill my love for you like the way you dictated the death punishment for this innocent soul inside me. Please.. please.. please..

Yours and only yours
Shehnaaz

***

Bhai itne fast updates I think I've hardly ever given for any stories. But this is like of raw now inside my head and I just want to pen it down before I lose the track. For other stories, wait for a while more. The pace I'm going with this one, I think it will be over soon!

Now comment and tell me how you found the chapter! I love to connect with u all through your comments. Also, I want to know how many of u can guess the end. Of course I'm not revealing it, but I am want to see how many of know know me that thoroughly. So guess and comment.

Till the next chapter,
Ciao,
With love,
Sanu 💖