The notebook

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'The end'

I kept staring at the last words I had written down. A small defeated smile appeared on my face.

If only..

I looked up from my writing and noticed the redhead and bluehead skating up and down the ramp. I had been sitting on this bench almost every day for some weeks now. Just writing and writing..

It was a coping mechanism for everything that's happened lately. To destract myself from what is real..

When I found this place, I started coming here every day. And at some point I noticed the redhead and the bluehead coming here to skate more often then not. I recognized them as they went to my school, but they probably don't even know who I am..

I did some research on them. Found out their names were Reki and Langa and who they were friends with. About their holliday with Cherry, Joe and Higa.

It wasn't that hard, since I got a pin to S as well. I already know who everyone was, 'cause I've seen them skate. I just never participated in a race myself.

But sometimes this gorgeous black haired boy joined them during skating practise at the park. He was around my age and his eyes were dreamy.. even tho I only got to look at them from a distance, it was enough for me to fall in love with them..

So I decided to write a fanfiction about them.

To try and live in a world I wish were true. To try and make myself feel the things I never got to feel..

To.. be loved..

I closed the notebook and put my backpack around my shoulder as I stood up. I looked at them coming down the ramp once more before turning my back to the skatepark. As I started walking away, I saw the familiar blackhaired boy coming my way in his green cat hoodie. The one he also wears when he goes to S.

Miya..

But he didn't even bother to look at me as he passed me on his skateboard joining the other two boys quickly after.

I looked back once more before continuing my path back to the hell I live in. Unlike the fanfiction I wrote, my parents are actually alive..

"Hey!", I suddenly heard someone say. I stopped walking and looked behind me.  The redhead was looking at me while holding on to the fence.

"Hey?", I replied to the redhead. "You're forgetting your notebook", He said as he pointed towards the bench. I looked at the bench and indeed, there it was..

An awkward smile appeared on my face as I scratched the back of my head.

"Thank you", I said as I walked back to the bench. I picked up the notebook and looked back at the redhead.

"So anyways, why are you always sitting there? Are you maybe interested in skating?", he asked me. "Well, I'm.. act..", I started but got interupted.

"Reki! Get back here!", we both suddenly heard Miya shout as our heads turned. Reki didn't bother reply and we just looked back at eachother. "what were you saying?", Reki asked.. a few seconds of silence fell before I looked down at the ground.

I sighed..

"No.. I.. I'm fine. I don't want to be a bother. Enjoy your evening", I said now turning around. I started walking home..

I feel like I've lived a lifetime with them already. I'm just gonna be a weight for them to carry.

"Hunter, stop!", Reki suddenly shouted. I instantly stopped moving and my eyes widened a bit. "You.. know my name?", I asked him with just my head turned towards him.

"Yes, ofcourse I know you", Reki started with that smile of his, "you go to our school".

A small smile appeared on my face before speaking up.

"Maybe I will join for a bit"

I walked around the fence and back to Reki. A small smile appeared on my face as I came to a stop in front of him.

"Nice to meet you, Reki", I said giving him a polite bow. "Nice to meet you too, Hunter. I'll introduce you to the rest".

I walked behind him ans followed him back to the ramp. It was a weird feeling, but the closer I got to Miya, the faster I could feel my heart beat..

I.. might be a bit obsessed with Miya.. having played out such a scenario in my head and then write it down, I've sort of created a life time worth of memories with Miya without ever having talking to him..

"Langa, Miya! Come meet Hunter", Reki almost shouted to the two.

It went a bit different in my fanfic, but we're still at the skatepark when we first met.

Maybe I got more right..

Nah, no way..

"Hi, Hunter. Nice to meet you", Langa said giving me a bow. I gave him one back and wanted to do the same for Miya, but as I looked around, I couldn't find him. "Where is..", I started but got interupted by someone grabbing the notebook away from under my arm.

Miya skated passed me with now the notebook in his hands. My eyes widened and a sudden rush of adrenalin coursed through my body. Everything felt like it was going in slowmotion for just a second. Untill.. Miya opened the notebook and wanted to start reading it while rolling around us on his skateboard.

The whole incident took only 2 seconds, but it felt like an eternity.

"Miya, don't!", I shouted as I ran 2 steps towards him almost pushing Reki out the way.

Miya stopped on his skateboard and put a foot on the ground. He raised an eyebrow at me while closing the notebook. "How do you know my name", Miya said almost sounding a bit threatening.

"I.. I'll.. explain", I started thinking of how to convince him not to open the notebook back up. I felt like I was trying to grab a dog by its collar without it running away because the leash broke off.

I've got to approach this very, very carefully..

"Just.. put down the notebook. Please!", I almost begged him. I've never been more afraid of my life then right fucking now..

"Tch..", Miya chuffed my way as he decided to open the notebook again. "N.. no.. no.. no. Noo!". All that, but within a second.

"What are you so afraid of. And again, how do you know my name!", He ordered.

"Miya, give Hunter his notebook back. You say you're not a child anymore, so don't act like one", Reki spoke up.

Miya almost growled at Reki but suddenly threw my notebook back at me.

I really big sigh escaped my mouth as I could feel the weight of the earth get lift off of my shoulders.

"Now can you please explaine how you know my name?"

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