Ephemeral

Chapter 23

"I'm sorry for your loss." No you're not, you're here for the free five course meal that her rich husband has over at the large tent everyone's running over to.

"Your mother was the sweetest and kindest soul." You wouldn't know that because she was gone for three years and not once did anyone ask about her. Not you, not her stupid book club friends, not the rich wives she's sit with at business parties, not even the neighbours.

"Let us know if you ever need anything." No one ever asked when I actually did so what's the point now? If anything, everything's still the same except nkw she's six feet under instead of at the hospital.

"She might be gone but we'll never forget her." You forgot her years ago when she was struggling on her own with her own mind. When she'd lock herself away for days at a time. No one thought of her then.

The funeral was a blur just like the last three days were. I didn't go back to the house, instead I sat in front of the morgue praying to whatever god that was up there to wake her the hell up because dying wasn't an option.

No one made me leave. Poppy brought me three meals a day that I didn't touch. Gabriel's mom, Elena, brought me a change of clothes every single day. Old man in blue scrubs who goes by Winston read me the newspaper every morning and told me about the patients he lost that day. I think he's trying to remind me that death is something that no one can stop no matter what, it's inevitable. In some weird way it helped knowing my mom wasn't the only person that died, as stupid as it sounds. And the guys, they ditched school for three days and sat with me in the hallway. The only time they got up was to use the toilet or move out of the way but I didn't move once. My eyes stayed glued to the heavy door leading to where my mom was, and my ears were strained in hopes of hearing her voice one more time.

They tried to get me to talk, to eat, to sleep, to do anything really, but I wasn't there. I just wasn't there.

The day of the funeral rolled around and I didn't know till Elena brought me a black dress instead of the usual sweatshirt and sweatpants she was bringing for the last three days. I don't remember getting up off the floor and moving to the bathroom till I was stood under the shower, staring at the black dress hanging on the hook.

She said my 'dad' had organised the funeral and was too heartbroken to see me. Bullshit. I bet he's happy she's gone. I bet he's happy to see me miserable. I bet he's happy he hasn't seen my face for three days. I bet he's happy with himself because I refuse to believe he didn't have anything to do with it. I just don't.

Gabriel drove us to the church. Sebastian, Alexander, and Luca all squeezed in the backseat while I sat up front. If I'm being honest, I would've preferred walking there instead. It would've taken me an hour but I prefer it so much more than the twenty minute drive. I stayed sat in the car for a good half an hour after we arrived, they sat with me.

We watched everyone walk in. Some silently 'crying' dabbing their eyes with their scrunched up tissues, wiping their nonexistent tears. Some stood at the side gossiping and laughing with each other before putting on their sad faces and walking in. Some standing in groups shaking hands, no doubt making business deals. I wouldn't put it past them.

Eventually, once every single person had walked into the church, I got out of the car. Walking inside, I ignored the reserved seat right at the front and stood in the back corner. I could tell the guys wanted to say something, they wanted me to at least sit on a chair if not at my actual seat in the front, but I didn't care. Id rather be able to silently leave without anyone realising instead of making a dramatic exit with all the pitying looks.

The guy at the front, the pope I think, droned on and on about god knows what, but all I did was stare at Vincent Quinn. I stared at the back of his balding head as people silently comforted him. Almost feeling my heated glare, he turned around and simply rolled his eyes before turning to the man sat besides him.