chapter three

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I gasped for air as I woke up from a nightmare

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I gasped for air as I woke up from a nightmare. I took a few seconds to calm myself. I look at the clock to see that it's  04.00 a.m.

I got up from my bed, turned on the lights in my room, opened my backpack and began to look for something to wear. It's not like I have a lot of choices after all.

I took a pair of jeans and a black hoodie to wear. I locked my door and then went to the shower connected to my room. I also took a blade with me.

I first brushed my teeth then I removed my clothes, entered the shower and turned it on. I put the water to the lowest temperature.

I took a body wash and began to wash my body, the body wash smelled like strawberries and blueberries. Then I took the strawberry shampoo and washed my hair with it.

I never knew how to apply conditioner, so I didn't use it. I took the blade and held it to my arm.

Two cuts for eating yesterday.
One cut for talking back to my sperm donor.
One for being ugly.
One for being fat.
One for existing.

I sigh and look at the water which just turned red crimson. I don't want to hurt others, so I hurt myself. It kind of brings me joy to let out my pain by hurting myself.

I know that my scars will always stay. They will remind me of what I have been through. To remind me I was a survivor.

I got out of the shower and put my clothes on. I then quickly brush my hair with a brush that I found in the drawer.

I got out of the shower and saw that I didn't take that much time because it was still 04.30 a.m.

I swear, I thought I had at least taken two hours or more. I put on my work shoes and head out of my room.

I forgot that I had locked my door so while opening my door I thought it would open and I walked straight into it.

Seriously! Now my forehead hurts.

I got out of my room and walked down the halls. On my way I bumped into a hard wall. Well-this wall is more of a person's hard  chest.

"Fuck" I say. "First, don't curse and second I'm sorry" Benjamin says as he laughs.

He helped get up. "Why did you wake up so early?" He asked me.
"I usually wake up at that time" I answered as we both made our way to the kitchen.

"I usually wake up at that time" I answered as we both made our way to the kitchen

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