PART I REGULUS
After Patroclus fails to convince Achilles to fight for the Greeks.
After Achilles lets Patroclus face the Trojans without him.
The great warrior tilts his head back and asks the gods to "grant that he may return unharmed."
Bring him back to me, he begs them.
Bring him back to me.
Bring him back.
Gods are a Muggle invention and from what Regulus can tell they are rather unreliable when it comes to keeping people safe. But then, he's not sure that magic has ever really protected anyone he loves either.
He stares at the door for a long time after James leaves.
Bring him back to me.
Bring him back to me.
Bring him back.
But Wizards don't know how to pray. And Regulus doubts the gods would listen even if they did.
He does manage to make it back to the Slytherin dorms eventually, though he isn't really sure how. His thoughts are radio static. Nothing in focus. Nothing clear. At least not until the moment he enters the common room. For some reason the noise—or the people—something jolts him. Causing things to start becoming real all of the sudden.
He's hyperventilating by the time he reaches the bottom of the stairs, grabbing hold of the banister for support. This can't happen here. It can't. He cannot have a fucking breakdown in the Slytherin common room. He begs his legs to move but they won't, tries to slow down his breaths and blink away the blurring in his eyes. He's been through so much worse than this. He doesn't know why it's taking him apart.
"Howdy partner," says a familiarly cheery voice as Cerci comes down the stairs. Regulus can see her but only barely, partly hidden by the black that's started to erase the edges of his vision. If he doesn't get his breathing under control he's going to faint.
"Regulus?" he hears her say, concerned.
He's hoping no one else has noticed him. He's not doing anything—literally not doing anything—not crying or shouting or moving. He's hoping everyone else is too busy to see him frozen at the bottom of the stairs. To notice the wheezing noises his breath makes as he sucks it in too fast.
"Hey," Cerci is right in front of him now, voice low, "are you okay?"
She reaches out to touch him and he immediately jerks back. Cerci's eyes going wide and he wants to explain to her that he just can't bear to be touched right now. That he's too raw. But when he opens his mouth, to his horror, all that comes out is a sob. He instantly slams it shut again.
"Okay," Cerci says, somehow making it sound like this is all perfectly normal. "Okay, it's okay. You trying to get to your room?"
Regulus closes his eyes briefly, so angry with himself, with his body, with his mind, for falling to pieces like this. He's meant to be stronger. Meant to be able to put this pain in a box and act as though nothing can touch him. Leave it to James Potter to be too fucking big. To hurt too much for any of Regulus's hiding places to hold.
After a moment, teeth gritted, Regulus nods.
"Okay, we can do that, why don't you just look down, just focus on my feet okay? Just focus on them and nothing else. Just do what they do."
Regulus's eyes fly open to find a determined Cerci across from him. After a moment he nods again, dropping his head down to stare at the floor. To focus on her shoes. Her shoes and nothing else, his whole world shrinking.
