Me and Joji climbed down the ladder on the bunk beds and grabbed our clothes off the floor and put them back on.
"Was I too loud?" I asked Joji.
"I can't blame you," Joji responded. "everybody's loud when it's time. You just got a little excited, that's all."
"A little?" I giggled.
"Is it ok to come in?" Cooper asked. She and the other two were still traumatized from that unsettling sight.
Me and Joji were done changing, but I had a bra on, the final thing I needed to put on was a shirt over it, but Ashton and Cooper have seen me in a bra more than once, so I guess it would be alright for them to come in.
This reminded me of when I was younger and whenever my mom found out about something she didn't like me doing -- like writing this book lol --while yelling my full name while I was taking a dump or something like that so I took a long time in there because I was too scared to explain the ugly truth.
But this time I'm just a little scared. I feel like they'd support me and Jo's relationship and be ok with it. But my other half of my mind says we'll kicked out of the bus for such explicit behavior. But me and Jo can always get our own place. Or bus. Ok. Maybe I am scared.
"Hey, Jo." I tapped his shoulder as he put his socks back on.
"What?"
"I'm scared." I told him. "When I was around my teenage years a long time ago, I had to deal with a mom that yelled at me for everything. Even stuff I didn't do. But the scariest thing was her screaming at me for things I did that she wasn't ok with. I was a rebellious child. But that's where my fear of getting yelled at came from. And I'm scared that some stuff from my mom is going to come back. And I also have these things that are close to anxiety attacks but worse, and I hate having to go through them. Oh, Jo, do we have to do this? I usually just slept the pain away. But we can't do that. I'll go back to my own bunk. I'll just--"
"Raegan. Raegan, listen to me." Joji put his hands in mine."I'll be right here if anything reminds you of your mom. If you have another one of those things like anxiety attacks, I'll calm down the raging storm inside of you. I'm here, Rae. Raegan, I love you, and I'll always be there. I'm not like your mom, obviously, and I'll respect your fears, and I'll help you through your -- worse than -- anxiety attacks." Joji calmly spoke as he wiped the single tear that shed from my eye as I looked up at him and smiled.
I wasn't that scared anymore.
"Hurry up, lovebirds!" Kylie yelled through the door. "Y'all back at it again?"
"I don't know," Ashton said. "It's pretty quiet in there."
"Would all of you just shut up?!" George yelled. "We're trying to deal with something here!"
"Let's get this over with." George said as he brushed his hands. Before he opened the door, he looked back at me and said, "If those things happen again or you get too overwhelmed, just hold my hand and squeeze it and just breathe."
I like Jo. I can tell he really cares for me like nobody else would.
I don't know how I'd live without him.
