Llanelli Turk 'Cariad'

Chapter Four . The Italian Dwarf

Main Pic: Leo wearing his Sunday best

Chapter Four

The Italian Dwarf

Sunday Morning. Woke up surprisingly fresh, quite early too. Must have been yesterday's walking, together with a wonderful night's sleep. Must make more of an effort to rise earlier to meet the morning bird chorus and sun-up, just like my uncle Hugh, I thought to myself.

I can hear mum making her way from the bathroom going downstairs to make us breakfast. Can hear my dad snoring, which gives me a warm feeling of home and family. If I could, I would designate Sunday as 'family day', - all members of the family at home together away from worldly stresses and duties. Just home together, - a kind of weekly, thanksgiving, or Christmas day. My father never works on Sundays. Mum doesn't allow it because it's a Sabbath. However, we do go to ten o'clock mass. This used to make me cry, but now that I'm older, I must bear it to keep my mother happy. My brother Henry likes mass.

He sits with mum, and always gets good marks at school in religious instruction...

My last school report under, 'Religious Instruction' read: 'D', Leo doesn't show any interest in this subject, as he seems to have a conflict between Religion and Science. His test essay just read; 'If God did not exist, it would be necessary to invent him.' Signed Voltaire...

However, I do get on with my teacher and because of this, I suppose; Sister Angela doesn't share my views with Father Tomkins the Head Master or Sister Emmanuel the headmistress... Thank God, as there both, of the old fashioned strict type, rather obnoxious really.

The only time I enjoyed going to the Catholic Mass was when I was doing alter-boy service...

A good Italian wedding or funeral, those gave the best tips, three-quid, sometimes, five-quid. I even got a tenner (ten shilling note) once, when the daughter of Marcos Carpennini, the Italian restaurant owner, got married. She was stunning, like Raquel Welsh and Sophia Loren put together, with Raquel Welsh being the top half, 'if you know what I mean'...

Then I got the sack as an altar-boy, well not exactly the sack, more like early retirement. Father Tomkins, my school Head Master and parish priest, said I wasn't concentrating enough during mass, especially when I was ringing the bell too early during the Eucharistic liturgy of the word; this is when the priest converts the bread and wine into the body and blood of Christ. He also complained about the state of my cassock, all wax drippings everywhere, 'what would people think?'

As a baby, I was taken to mass; I guess that's when I began to develop my phobia-like feelings towards it. It must have been that horrid huge cross; hanging from the high ceiling above the altar, that first put me off. A life-sized Jesus just hanging there in utter pain, with thorns stuck in his head, blood running down his forehead and cheeks, a bloody spear wound in his side, more blood is pouring out from the nails in his hands and feet... - A most horrid sight for a young child to see, I can tell you. - It gave me nightmares... I remember once just staring at Jesus' eyes for ages, (he did have nice eyes) and then they moved or blinked in pain or something. I started to cry. My crying echoed throughout the church. I could see people's heads turning, their faces, grim and stern. I felt they were all ganging-up on me with their looks, all saying:' "If you don't shut-up we're going to stick you up there with him." Mother had to take me outside, as she must have thought my sudden outburst of crying was toothache or such.

I know I'm only young, but I don't like Christianity - actually, I don't like any organized religion - full stop! Profound, from an eight going-on-nine year old maybe, but I have my reasons. - The dilemma is that I can't fully explain the reasons to myself and certainly not to anyone else, as it's close to blasphemy down this way. Can't argue with adults anyway, even if I tried to mention my views in any way, the adults would try to correct me or tell me that 'adults are always right' when it comes to religion, politics and women.