Just A Thought

3

I wake up in sweat. I look around. It's still dark outside.

Shit. I can't breathe. Not again.

Not again.

I thought the pills were going to make it better but I guess they didn't. Taking them from my bag I stumble to the bathroom and fall down the floor with my back to the door. I let the tears fall.

I can't breathe. I can't breathe. I can't breathe.

My hands are shaking. And my whole body.

And I can't hear anything. There's just ringing in my ears. And everything is blurry.

Taking two pills I lift them and with shaking hand put them in my mouth. I swallow them whole and lay down on the floor.

Please help.

I stay there for around ten minutes 'till the pills take in. I just lay there for a couple of minutes more until I stand up. The room is spinning. Everything is spinning.

I stumble to the sink and put my hands on it. Lifting my face up as I look at myself in the mirror. My black hair falls down my back and my hazel eyes are staring back at me.

I splash some cold water on my face and look at myself again.

Everybody always said I'm pretty. I know I don't look bad.

I head back to the bedroom and lay down.

The walls and a wardrobe and windows are spinning.

And I spin with them.

~~~

I spent the whole day in the bedroom and tonight is the night of the party that Alex was talking about. I don't know what to expect. Probably a lot of alcohol.

It reminds me of that night. I was at some party. Everyone was drunk including me. I was standing in the kitchen. Music was loud I barely heard anything. Some guy was talking to me. I don't remember his name or what he was saying. I was wasted.

Soon it was time to go. I don't drive a car. Never had the money. So I walked. On the way I drank lots of water since I knew I'll have to take care of mom when I get home.

It was cold even though it was Summer. I just finished junior year. That's why I was at that party. Never had a lot of friends in high school so I went there just to get drunk or eat something.

When I opened the front door of my house I quietly walked in. I knew I'll see my mom passed out on the couch with a drink in her hand. I entered the living room and the first thing I saw was a bag of white powder.

Not again.

I turned to my mom finding her asleep as I thought I would.

I approached her and touched her hand. It was cold. And when I say cold I mean really cold. I quickly checked if she was breathing. She wasn't. Then I checked if her heart was beating. It wasn't either.

Freezing cold went through my body. I couldn't believe it. I couldn't believe that was really happening. I was out drinking and she was at home dying.

When I got my senses back I took my phone and called an ambulance.

I could barely speak. I could barely even think.

They said it was too late...

"Valeri?"

I realise I zoned out.

"Valeri?" Someone's knocking on my door.

"Yeah?" I call out.