NO Love Club (Boy × Boy) ✔

9) WHO ARE YOU ANGRY WITH?

Cole Walker's POV 

I was sitting on the floor, trying to find a comfortable position in the beanbag. It let out a rustle every time I shifted, giving away how restless I was.

The room was in an old office building, and it had a huge window letting in plenty of natural light. In one corner, next to an enormous houseplant, were canvases with cheesy quotes like "Healing happens by feeling." and "Difficult doesn't mean impossible.". No furniture, just the beanbags and a big bunch of cushions in all shapes spread around the floor.

Not a typical office for a therapist?Well, not much about my therapist, Maeve Cromwell, was typical.

She has the greenest eyes I've ever seen, the kind you can't help but stare. Compared to X's eyes, which make me think of a forest on a sunny day, her eyes are emerald green like a cat's. She has the kindest of smiles, but a mind sharp like a razor blade. She doesn't want to be called by her last name and there she's far from pompous. 

Half the time I hate her, for she has an infuriating habit of seeing through all my bullshit. The other half I know how much I owe her, that she is the key to save me from that very bullshit.

"What would you like to talk about today?" Maeve asked me, as if she wasn't the one making that decision. As if she couldn't steer the conversation wherever she wanted to. 

"I don't know." I grumbled and shook my head slightly, despite knowing exactly what I had in mind.  

"I think you do." Maeve decided after one look of the expression on my face. See, this is what I'm talking about.

My mind wandered back to today's school day and how X had made it his mission to baffle me more and more each day. He clearly enjoyed bugging me and for some reason I didn't mind. The fact I seemed to gravitate to his company, whenever Declan wasn't around, made me feel like the worst friend and a two-faced jerk.

"So there's this new guy in our class.." I began, rubbing my neck absent-mindedly. 

"Is he giving you a hard time?" Maeve sat up straighter, her eyes so piercing it felt like she could see right through me. The thing was that X wasn't giving me a hard time and that's why I was feeling uncomfortable. I didn't want to admit to myself that it was possible I had been wrong about him.

"No." I huffed with a frown. The beanbag rustled again when I shifted on it. "I mean yeah, but not in the way you'd think."

Then I launched into the story of Declan and X's argument and the stupid bet we made. That part made Maeve's eyebrows rise, but otherwise she kept the trained poker face. She let me ramble, occasionally scribbling down something in her notepad and nodding to show me she was paying attention to my words.

After the story she had the audacity to ask me: "Have you talked to Cody about him?" 

"No, why would I?" I snapped. Not everything had to do with him. Well, okay, this probably had, but that didn't mean I would go and tell him about X.

"I think you know why." Maeve answered, as calm as ever. She gave the words a moment to sink in before continuing: "Okay, let's try it this way: what do you think he would say if you did tell him? What kind of advice would he give?"

This morning, when it had been just X and I in the classroom, he sat on my desk. I was never that early, because I loved the snooze button too much, and of course he had to come make a comment about it.

"Did you wake up early just to see me?" He asked with a wicked smirk on his face, leaning closer.

"No, I had a nightmare about you and it was so hideous I couldn't fall back asleep." I remarked and leaned back on my seat. 

"Oh, so you dreamed of me?" X brought a hand to his mouth, feigning surprise. What. A. Dork.

"What part of a nightmare do you not understand?" I grumbled, but instead of a scowl, I found myself grinning at him. And it wasn't just that. I even laughed at some of his jokes, secretly pleased when some of mine made him grin and chuckle. 

If I hadn't felt so guilty when Declan walked into the classroom, I would probably have been disappointed when X decided to take it as a sign to move back to his desk. Fortunately Declan didn't bring it up, he just lifted an eyebrow at me before turning his gaze back to his notebook. I knew he was offended, so I spent the rest of the day avoiding X's gaze and doing whatever Declan wanted me to.

"Cody is like Mother Teresa without her dark side." I told my therapist. "He would tell me to give the new guy another chance, and that it's time to move on and all that shit."

"So what keeps you from doing so?" 

"I never said I was good like Cody is." I didn't know how to move on, I didn't know how to let go of my anger. I wasn't one to give second chances.

"Want to know what I think?" She asked and I bit my tongue to keep myself from telling her how that was the last thing I wanted. When I nodded, she droned on: "You are not angry with your parents, who failed to help Cody until it was almost too late. You're not angry with Cody, who kept the bullying a secret. You're not angry with the new boy and not even with the boys who bullied your brother."

How could she even suggest something like that? Of course I was angry with mom and dad, who had refused to believe Cody, when he asked for their help. They even called him a liar and made him apologise to his bullies. Of course I was angry with them.

I don't blame Cody for not telling them, not after they believed his bullies before their own son. But he could have told me and Chloe, and we could have been there for him. We would have believed him. So yes, I was angry with him as well.

I wasn't so sure how I felt about X or if I believed Declan's story about him, so I couldn't really be that mad at him. But I guess I was angry with him just out of spite.

I won't even go to Cody's bullies. Bryce Fletcher, Jeremy Bell and Kaleb Knight were the worst scumbags on Earth. I was beyond angry with them, I hated every cell in their stupid bodies.

"I am angry with them." I protested, clenching my fists and gritting my teeth. "They are the reason our family is so messed up."

"Hm." Was all Maeve said. Instead she kept staring at me with those piercing eyes of hers and gave me time to rethink my answer. The beanbag rustled, when I shifted yet again.

"Are you saying I'm not angry?" I snapped, although more out of frustration than actual anger.

"Oh no, I'm definitely not saying that." She disagreed, letting out a small chuckle. "What I'm trying to say is that you are angry, but are you sure you know who you're angry with?"

"Can we talk about something else?" I muttered, crossing my arms over my chest. I wanted to get on my feet and run, and it took all my willpower not to do so.

"Fine. I won't pressure you to talk about it, but I want you to give it a thought. Because I think it's the reason why it is so difficult for you to let go of your anger." She reasoned, then gave me a smile. "So, what would you want to talk about?"

****

Question of the day:
What's your favorite animal?

(Me: Cats and birds for sure, but I currently have a dog fever.)