NO Love Club (Boy × Boy) ✔

14) ARE YOU SURE DECLAN WON'T MIND?

X Bélizaire's POV 

I didn't stop by his desk or smile at him, but instead I pointedly looked away and ignored his stares the entire morning. It was petty of me, I know, but I couldn't help myself. After all, I had barely slept that night and just stared at the ceiling while ruminating about the argument. 

During breakfast I had been in such a lousy mood that dad had decided it was better not to pick up a conversation with me. He just placed a bowl of oatmeal on the table in front of me and started reading one of his novels. Maddie finished her breakfast in a hurry, while mom lectured me to get my behavior back in control before my shift at work.

My behavior definitely still wasn't back in control when I made it to school. The last straw for me was when I stole a glance at Cole and he was laughing with Declan like nothing had happened. Not just that, he seemed happy. He sat up straighter at his desk and spoke more animatedly, waving his hands in the air to emphasize his words. Then Declan noticed me staring and answered the stare with a blank, unreadable one.

After that I went back to pointedly looking away and hyperfocusing on the teaching. Sometimes Wilder stole my attention by his jokes and, despite everything, I found myself grinning. I was going to act like Cole was nothing to me, until one day he would actually be just that. Why care about him or Declan, when I have Wilder and Noah by my side?

After all, I had given Cole a chance to do the right thing, and he had chosen Declan instead. It was clear enough indication that he wasn't going to choose me over his sleazy excuse of a friend anytime soon. I mean, I could somehow understand him doing so now, but I was done waiting for him to grow a spine.

"Hey.." Cole's voice calling after me made me halt on my way out of the classroom. He clearly hadn't gotten the memo about me not wanting anything to do with him.

"What?" I asked, my voice so cold it made Cole step back and purse his lips in a thin line. He just stared at me like that, like he was assessing whether or not it was safe to speak to me. I glimpsed at my side to see Wilder and Noah waiting for me in the hallway, so I snapped at Cole: "What?"

"Can we, like, talk?" Cole asked. He lifted his hand to brush his fingertips over the hair tie he had used to gather up his hair, which was something I hadn't seen him do before. When he noticed me staring, he let his hand drop back to the side of his thigh. "Somewhere private?"

"I don't know, I.." I could hear the ice melting from my voice, when I stared back at Cole. But then my eyes landed on Declan, who was waiting for Cole by the classroom door, his hands stuffed deep into the pockets of his cardigan, and I could feel the irritation mounting again. And so, I found myself jeering: "Are you sure Declan won't mind?"

"No, he said it's fine." Cole told me, shifting from one foot to another while waiting for my answer. Did that mean he actually had to ask for Declan's permission to talk to me? And even more so, did that also mean he wouldn't have come to talk to me if Declan had said no?

"The fact that you even had to ask.." I lowered my voice, making sure Declan couldn't overhear what I was saying, even though I was about 97% certain Cole was going to tell him all about our conversation as soon as I was gone. I opened my mouth and closed it again, opting to shake my head instead. 

Then I walked away, joining Noah and Wilder while Cole went to Declan. He was scowling again and I wasn't sure if it was because he was sad or if I had managed to anger him. Either way, he didn't try to talk to me again for the rest of the day. 

His better mood from this morning was as good as gone. He spent most of his time gazing out of the classroom window, only nodding at times to show Declan he was listening to his nonstop talking. I won't lie, it made me a tad guilty to see the change in Cole's behavior. It was so.. drastic. But I wasn't ready to take back my words just because they made Cole sad. 

Or was I? 

I still wasn't exactly sure why I was so mad at him, and whether I was being the unreasonable one. I knew I was in no place to make him choose between Declan and me. Cole barely knew me at all, and foremost, I wasn't one to make people pick sides like that. 

To me, for example, the idea of making your partner choose between you and a friend of theirs makes no sense. If you can't trust your partner enough to let them have close friends, what does that tell about your relationship? Nothing good, that much is for sure.

Then again, I had given Cole the chance to not pick sides, and he had chosen to pick one anyway. So, as I kept telling myself, I had more than a valid reason to be pissed off at him. 

Right?

"What did he say to you?" Wilder asked, not for the first time, as we slouched towards the parking lot. The school day had seemed never ending, each class dragging forward with the speech of a snail. "Or.. should I ask instead: what did you say to him?"

We all, Wilder, Noah and I, stared after Cole who walked past us. He had his earbuds on and he didn't acknowledge us in any way. His head was lowered and he seemed to be lost in his own worlds. He had been in such a good mood this morning, but my refusal to listen to him couldn't possibly be the reason for it plummeting down.

Or could it?

"Nothing." I shrugged, averting my gaze from Cole's receding back. "As long as he's acting like Declan's lapdog, I have nothing to say to him."

And yet, I couldn't stop feeling like I was the bad guy. Seeing, or more like hearing, Cole slamming shut the door of his sister's car, was like a punch in the gut. Somehow having Cole angry at me didn't make me hurt any less, but instead I only managed to glaze the hurt with a thick layer of guilt.

****

Question of the day:
What is the most ridiculous thing you believed as a child?

(Me: That if you eat an apple seed, an apple tree will grow in your stomach. Plus pepper seeds are deadly poisonous. Why is everything about seeds..?)