NO Love Club (Boy × Boy) ✔

29) AT EASE, SOLDIER.

Cole Walker's POV 

I was surprised to see the guests in our room early on Friday morning, as I didn't think anyone would actually care that much about my surgery. And yet, all these people had taken their time to come see me and wish me luck.

I wasn't really up for a party, as I couldn't eat or drink before the surgery and my mood was up and down faster than any rollercoaster could spin anyone around. But I could use company and something to take my mind off my legs and what was about to come down.

The night before X and I had had our post-surgery feast with cups of tea and pudding. We had a game where we tried to find the crappiest movies and shows to watch, but the hospital's limited channel options didn't really give us that much to play with. We only shut the TV, when a nurse came to give us the last warning to do so.

"Just so that you know", Declan warned, shaking his forefinger at X. "This isn't what I meant when I told you to make him listen to you."

"Yeah, well, it wasn't my first option either." X pointed out, lifting his eyebrows as if trying to find out whether Declan was really pissed off or making a joke.

"I know." Declan said, a small smile on his lips. He lifted his hand to a salute, when telling X: "At ease, soldier."

Then Declan made his way to my bed, the playful glint gone from his eyes and gave me a tight hug. For such a scrawny guy, Declan was one to give bone-crushing hugs. He buried his face in the crook of my neck and sniffled. 

"Oh, fuck, I was so scared." Declan whispered, voice brittle as he squeezed my shoulders tighter. He sniffled again, before pushing me to an arm's length. He had dark circles under his bloodshot eyes, but the clearest indicator of his worry were his gnawed fingernails. "Never ever do that again."

"Believe me, I'm not planning to." I emphasized with a dramatic sigh.

"And if you die at that surgical table, I'm going to kill you dead." Declan warned and pulled me into another embrace. When he let go of me, he wiped his eyes and started fumbling with his back. Soon he handed me a stack of papers filled with his neat handwriting. "You two can share these, because I know for a fact Noah and Wilder have written down nada."

"Thanks." X's eyes widened with genuine surprise, which was followed with relief. I guess at least one of us was worried about school, whereas I couldn't bring myself to care. It all seemed kind of pointless after a major accident, breaking my legs et cetera. I still thanked Declan, hoping that the smile on my face looked genuine.

Then mom was there, scurrying around me nervously. She swatted off her older sister's attempts of making her sit down and have a cup of coffee, as she couldn't keep still. Her eyes were red from the tears she kept blinking back, when she brushed her fingers through my hair.

"Vivi, Cole is a tough kid and a surgery like that is easy peasy lemon squeezy to him." Mom's sister, Dahlia, vouched. I was fairly sure it was going to be more like difficult, difficult, lemon, difficult, but whatever.

Dahlia was one of the few relatives who she was still in contact with, for reasons I had never come to question. My dad was an only child, whose parents had passed years back. Hence, Dahlia was my favorite aunt, who not only had an easygoing attitude towards life, but also spoiled us with fresh croissants filled with Nutella when she stopped by.

Just the thought was enough to make my stomach grumble, reminding me yet again how there would be no breakfast, let alone croissants, before the surgery. Abruptly, I was struck with an intense need to be alone. Or more like being alone with X and, at tops, with my family. I was scared of the surgery, but when our room was filled with smiling faces, all I could do was pretend to be brave.

"Yeah, and besides, if I die, I'm going to come haunt the surgeon just out of spite." I joked, but only Dahlia laughed along, while mom bursted into tears again. I rushed to tell her: "I'm not going to die, mom."

When I watched mom drying her eyes, I felt the flowing sensation pulling me, but I kept myself grounded. I wanted to be alone so bad, but I wouldn't let myself disappear again. I fisted the bed sheets, focusing on the feel of the fabric, and took a deep breath. I glimpsed at my side, where X was chatting with Chloe, laughing at something she said. When did those two become such good friends?

X noticed me staring and turned his head to the side to meet my gaze. My heart started to race as the look in his eyes turned softer and a smile curved up the corners of his mouth. I swallowed, before smiling back at him and averting my gaze.

I felt like floating, but in a different way. Something had switched between us after the day I bawled my eyes out in his arms, and I wasn't entirely pleased with it.

This, whatever it was, was wrong on so many levels. I wasn't supposed to feel this way over a friend, who was just trying to help me through something he blamed himself for. I wasn't supposed to drool over his green eyes, no matter how distractingly warm and caring they were. I wasn't supposed to feel this way or in any other way towards him. 

And no, I don't mean it like I wasn't supposed to be into him instead of some nameless her. Cody was into guys and he was doing perfectly fine with his life. Whether I was queer or not, it was all the same for me. I mean it like I wasn't supposed to be into the guy who I had so vociferously sworn never to fall for. 

It didn't matter though, since whatever I thought I was feeling for him, I would never admit out loud. Not if it meant I would lose the bet, and have to take back my words. I had already apologized for calling him a homophobe and a bully, and that was as far as I was willing to go. I had some pride left after all.

In the end I didn't have to dissociate myself through the pre-surgery party or even ask the guests to leave, as two nurses came to shoo them away and prepare me for the surgery. Mom, still sniffling, was walked away by Dahlia, while dad hung back. He planted a brief kiss on the top of my head and squeezed my hand, before smiling and leaving the room.

My dad, who only showed his love by physical touch once in a blue moon, and even then by a simple pat on shoulder, had just kissed the top of my head and held my hand. My breath caught in my throat as I watched his receding back. If dad was worried enough to deviate from his routine, it must be serious.

Don't go, I can't do this alone, I wanted to beg. With trembling hands, I hugged myself to drive away the fear. 

"Hey, Cole." X said, making me turn my gaze to him. He was smiling, trying to hide the trepidation from his face, when he continued: "You heard what Declan said: if you die in the surgery, he's going to kill you dead."

"Yeah." I let out a breathy chuckle, oddly relieved by X's words.

"It's going to go well." He reassured, the playfulness gone from his voice.

"Yeah?" I whispered, letting my arms fall loose from around my waist.

"Yeah." X echoed, giving me another one of his easy smiles.

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Question of the day:
What's on your bucket list this year?

(Me: Training for a half-marathon, spotting 100 different species of birds, finishing this story and being more active on social media.)

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I haven't been overly motivated to write lately, but I think I just need to take a little break and rest. It might take me a little longer with the updates, though not much longer as I'm a fast writer. :)