TURBULENT / XIAOVEN

thirty four

authors notes: just realized i have been writing this since january 1st and now it is past halloween... well. thank yall for being on this long LONGG journey with me and i prommy itll be over soon! MWUAH

lily qotd: i dont even know what young zhongli looks like in emils head but what i do know is im tryna [redacted] !!!!!!!!

also i will post cws in the morning cos im a bit sleepy so just general warning for the usual stuff

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the car is packed up with both chongyun and xingqiu's items as xiao shuts it closed. chongyun had requested he go home and even if everybody wanted to stay, they all knew they could not force him to stay somewhere that reminds him so much of xingqiu. 

"i'll see you in a bit, okay?" venti says as he presses a kiss to xiao's cheek. chongyun looks away from the two as he tries to look occupied with the loose thread on his sweater. 

"chongyun," venti says as the younger boy perks up at the sound of his name being called, "hopefully we can see each other again, alright?" 

chongyun nods, "i hope so. i will miss you a lot." 

everyone says their goodbyes to chongyun as he takes in their words silently as they talk around the obvious– xingqiu. they all knew he would die at one point but for him to just do that in the middle of the night with no warning signs whatsoever was horrifying. hu tao had said he was incredibly unstable and losing himself quickly due to how he had bit himself multiple times. hu tao didn't know why nor would they ever. 

as chongyun steps into the car as he waits for xiao to begin leaving, his mind can't help but wander. sure, it might be bad that he can even think in a situation like this. he remembers when his mother said she couldn't think for days after his father's death. she sobbed for weeks, maybe even months, he recalls his aunties telling him but he had only shed a few tears. 

was something wrong with him?

chongyun hears the car door shutting nearby and soon xiao speaks. xiao looks over to chongyun before staring at his own lap, "will you be okay through the whole trip?" 

chongyun nods as he rests his head against the car seat headrest, "if i can't handle something i'm sure you will be able to tell very much." 

xiao nods as he backs out of the driveway and soon their very long road trip begins. 

it's silent between the two as xiao drives. as much as xiao would like to lie and say that they're close and yeah, they talked a bunch, he knows that just isn't true. the only reason why they ever spoke in the first place was because of xingqiu. he remembers how much chongyun would tremble near him when they had first met and yeah, chongyun can speak to him without any nervousness overtaking him now but he knows why they even spoke in the first place. it was all for xingqiu and xingqiu had told chongyun that he should speak to xiao since they're both "so similar to each other." xiao knows what he meant. he just meant that they were both autistic. 

“so, how are you feeling?” xiao asks and he knows it’s a stupid fucking question. he doesn’t know how he expects chongyun to reply, it’s not as if the boy will just say “oh well i’m doing great! my boyfriend and caregiver just killed himself and i feel as if i’m on top of the fucking world!” 

“fine.” chongyun says as he watches the scenery pass by in the window. 

“are you sure?” xiao asks and as soon as those words leave his lips he has the urge to immediately slam his head into the steering wheel.