Please don't say you love me (Tom Hiddleston Fanfic)

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Everything that happened from there was like a nightmare. Shauna took me back to my trailer while the rest of the team filmed what they could without me. Every breath I took was like drinking acid. My chest ached and my head felt like it was about to explode. I managed to pack a bag while Shauna organised flights back home and before I knew it I was sitting in the airport waiting for the next plane to leave. Honestly, I don't know what I would've done if she wasn't there. She did everything from checking in our bags to organising my carry on and food and everything in between. When we were ushered through to the first-class lounge though I couldn't help but pause.

"Shauna," I placed my handbag on one of the seats and turned to face her, "what's going on? Why are we in here?"
She turned and gave me a sad smile, "Robert. He told me to tell you that this flight was going to be Hell enough as it was without having no room to stretch your legs."
Fresh tears welled in my eyes as she spoke.
"He was adamant that you should, we should, go first class, so he upgraded our seats," she bobbed down in front of me as I lowered myself into one of the chairs.
"He..." I shook my head, wiping at the tears falling down my cheeks, "he..."
"He's a good man Ava. He adores you."
I nodded, covering my eyes with my palms as I tried desperately to stop the wave of hysteria welling up inside my chest.

Shauna stood, saying something about finding me tissues to wipe my eyes while I stayed where I was, fishing out my phone and scrolling down to where Robert's name was in my contacts list.
A good man was an understatement.
I can't thank you enough for the upgrade.
The response was almost immediate.
You don't need to thank me kid. It was the least I could do.
I read and reread the message. Every time I went to type a response though, nothing seemed good enough. Thankfully for me I don't think he was banking on a response.

As we boarded the plane part of me wished that I'd had the opportunity to experience first class under very different circumstances. Unfortunately for me it wasn't the case. The flight itself was a blur. We were given food and drinks and anything else we could have wanted. There was ample room for everything including sleep, but all I found myself able to do was stare out the window into the clouds and wish that everything in that moment, was completely different.

---

"I can't go in there," Shauna and I stood in the driveway of my parents' house. Suitcases sitting beside us as we stared at the humble brick home with all the curtains drawn. Panic rose in my stomach, sending a burning ache into the back of my throat as the weight of everything settled on my shoulders once more. My Mum's car was sitting in the driveway, though the space beside it where my Dad's car should have been was like being punched in the stomach. It wasn't there, and it never would be again.
"Oh my God," I turned around, covering my eyes with my hands once again. I was so sick of crying, it felt like all I could do was cry.
"Ava?"
I took a few shuddering breaths to steady my nerves.
"Avs..."
That wasn't Shauna's voice.

I turned back to face the house and felt my heart practically stop.
"Henry?" It came out as barely a whisper, despite how it had sounded in my head.
"I'm so sorry," he stepped down off the porch and wrapped me in his arms as tightly as possible. I let my head fall into his chest as another bout of tears washed over me.
"I can't believe you're here, how are you here?" I sniffed.
"Hal told me as soon as she found out," he whispered.
I shook my head, completely unashamed of how safe I felt in his arms.
"I flew in just them yesterday."
"After them?"
"Haley and the boys," he planted a gentle kiss on the top of my head.
Of course. I nodded, closing my eyes and feeling suddenly bone weary.
"Haley is inside," his voice was soft, kind and made my heart ache even more.
"Thank you," I stepped back, looking over at the front door.

For the first time in what felt like an age I was home, except it didn't feel the way it ought to have at that point. I walked across to the front door, let my hand fall onto the handle and without giving my brain a moment to register what was happening, walked inside.

It still smelt the same, a fresh breath of lavender and linen. Everything was exactly as they had left it, the front room boasting photographs and memorabilia of our younger years. My heart splintered when I noticed the photograph of myself and the cast, I had sent them only a week before had been printed and took pride of place in the middle of the cabinet. I was so exhausted of crying, tired of the ache in my stomach but looking around that room fresh tears stung my eyes and the pit inside of me grew a little bigger.

"Ava?"
The sheer sound of my sister's voice, quiet and shaky in that house, made me fall apart all over again. I barely made it into her arms before we were both a blubbering mess. Everything around us felt wrong. This was our home, this was where we grew up, where we fought and loved and learned and played. This was our sanctuary and the people that had held it together, kept it safe for us for so long were gone.
"I miss them," I whispered through a sob.
She didn't answer me, didn't need to, but I felt her head nodding against my shoulder.
"I don't know how to do this without them."
I squeezed my eyes closed and shook my head, "neither do I. But we'll do it together."