When I Look Into Your Eyes (An AU Heartstopper Story)

10 - you look tired

They had gone 15 minutes without talking to each other before Charlie eventually opened his mouth. "You look tired." Nick looked up at Charlie via the mirror, toothbrush still in his mouth and with slight panic in his eyes. "Nick, you need to stop acting like you're okay. I know you're not." The words came out harsher than Charlie intended. He could see tears forming in Nick's eyes. Shit. Shit. Shit. "Shit, Nick I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that." Charlie put his hand on Nick's arm. Who flinched at Charlie's sudden touch.

Charlie noticed this. This was not right. He was used to this happening to himself. It happened a lot at the beginning of their relationship. It was something he'd retained from when he was with...well you know who. But for Nick to flinch, that was different. He never did that. Charlie's mind went spiralling: You don't think he sees us the same way as we saw Ben? No that can't be, Nick loves me. He's been acting a bit distant lately, though. He's probably just been really busy. Still, that's no excuse to-... Get yourself together Charles. This isn't about you.

"Look at me," Charlie said softly while placing his other hand on Nick's arm, turning him halfway so they were facing each other. "Remember when you made me promise to always tell you when things start to get bad?" There was a short pause, then Charlie continued. "I want you to do the same." Nick looked up at Charlie. He wanted to reassure him and tell him that he'd be fine and that Charlie definitely didn't need to worry about him. But when his eyes met Charlie's he knew he couldn't say that. He couldn't lie to Charlie. Not when he was looking that intensely into his eyes. Nick could feel tears falling down his cheeks. He didn't remember when he started to cry, but his cheeks were wet, so he'd probably been crying for a while. It was a silent cry, but his tears were screaming: 'I'm fucked up right now and I don't know how to tell you, and I could really use a hug'. Charlie must've noticed. It was almost as if he'd read Nick's mind because he wrapped his arms around Nick's broad posture and hugged him tightly.

Nick's silent crying had turned into loud sobbing. He wanted it to stop. But the more he tried to fight against it, the harder he cried. He wasn't embarrassed about crying in front of Charlie or anything. He simply just wanted to stop feeling sad. And balling your eyes out while sitting on the side of the bath, wrapped in the arms of your 5-year-long boyfriend didn't really scream 'i'm a happy person'. Although, Nick must admit that Charlie's embrace already made him feel a thousand times better.

When Nick had calmed down a bit, Charlie started to talk again. He deliberately hadn't said a word until this point, cause he knew how much it could help to just cry it all out without having to say a word. "Shall we go to your room?" He asked while wiping Nick's cheek dry with the sleeve of his - well actually Nick's - sweater. Nick nodded. Before he got up, Charlie brushed Nick's hair out of his face and placed a small kiss on his forehead.  "Come on, let's go," he said and held out his hand for Nick to grab.