The One

Chapter Eight

MALIWANAG naman ang buwan sa direksyon namin. Gayunman ay hindi ko pa rin maaninag maigi ang ekspresyon sa mukha ni Migs nang mga sandali na iyon.

There's more I want to know than what I see on the surface level.

What is he thinking right now?

Are there words that he want to say.. to me?

Pilit kong pinipigilan ang sarili ko na hindi siya abutin at yakapin. It's tempting especially we're alone here. But I have to dismissed the thought since there's someone else in his life now.

"You have really moved on huh." aniya, malayo ang tingin.

Napalunok ako dahil tila may nabarang bikig sa lalamunan ko bigla.

I composed myself to say the magic lie.

"Definitely. Oh well it's good seeing you again, Paris Miguel." I smiled at him. Pretending that I'm not affected to his presence at all.

Ilang minuto kaming parehas na nanahimik. Tanging mga tunog ng kuliglig at agos ng tubig ang naglilikha ng ingay nang sandaling iyon.

"Hindi ka pa ba babalik doon?" Maya-maya ay tumayo na ito at pinagpag ang pang-upo.

"I'd stay here. Alam mo naman ako, hindi sanay sa maraming tao."

Sige na Migs, umalis ka na. Hayaan mo ako dito na mapag-isa. Tutal, ikaw naman ang nang-iwan.

Ikaw ang desididong sumuko. After all the things we did together. After saying those broken promises. Nakahanap ka bigla ng pamalit sa akin? Sure. Ako din ay maghahanap na ng ipapalit sa iyo. You hurt me. You always have a way to hurt me.

Punong-puno ng pait ang damdamin ko. Things that I wish I could say to his face. But I cannot.

"No, I'd stay here. Mahirap na baka kung ano ang mangyari sa'yo. Ikaw lang mag-isa dito eh. And you're a girl."

"How sweet of you, but no thanks. I can defend myself." Baliwalang sabi ko sa kaniya.

I hate it when he thinks I was not capable enough to take care of myself. This is one of the things that I used to hate about him. He's making me feel that I should depend on him. Kaya kong mag-stand alone. Malaki na ako. Kaya ko ang sarili ko.

Or maybe I'm just making things complicated again.

"Sorry. It's just that.. I need to be alone." Paghingi ko ng patawad dahil sa sinabi ko.

"No I get it. Tatawagin ko nalang 'yong manliligaw mo para samahan ka dito." Tumayo na uli ito at paalis na.

"You don't have to. I said I need to be alone Migs."

Nagsalubong ang kilay nito. "You're being stubborn again. All I care about is your safety. Paano kung ano ang mangyari sa'yo dito? Bundok pa naman ito. Madilim pa."

"Eh gusto ko mapag-isa. Okay lang ako dito kahit iwanan mo ako."

"Tigas ng ulo mo. You know what? Halika na!"

Lumapit si Migs sa'kin at hinila ang braso ko.

Napasinghap ako sa pagdantay ng palad niya sa aking braso.

It kinda feels like home. It feels natural. I was longing for this feeling for such a long time. I've been secretly dreaming for this.

To be held by him. To be near by him.

And I hate those feelings.

Kumawala ako sa pagkakahawak niya.

Naiinis ako dahil hindi ako dapat makaramdam ng pag-asa.