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When I thought of love, Maddy's face was all I could picture; dark eyes that glittered when she grew excited, the way her soft dark hair cascaded down her back, her smile that lit up the room—and my heart.
What a shame she didn't notice me and instead got with Avery.
I shouldn't be mad, it's not like I got even said anything, yet my emotions often have a way of doing their own thing. I was heartbroken when I discovered that they were dating, i sat in my room for days after that and didn't dare say a word to anyone, at prom I watched how they were so invested in each other that couldn't bare it any longer. I wanted her to be mine.
Yet I knew she wasn't.
My birthday falls in April, school ends in a month and as I travel the hallway I notice the little couple talking by Avery's locker, which they're at every morning. I catch Maddy's eye and my cheeks go red before I break for first period, I started sitting a few desks in front of her as we got two new kids back in March and I switched places with them.
(Plus Maddy and I aren't on good terms anymore.)
Maddy walked into class and took her seat, I turned to get a look at her and sighed. She had her down and her makeup was done, she was chewing a piece of gum and took a photo with the new girl—Jada, I think, the two laughed as Maddy went on to talk about her relationship.
She's changed since her first day. I thought with a heavy heart, Can we turn back time?
The morning announcement came on and I immediately regretted my existence the minute they called out birthdays. "And let's not forget a very special weekend birthday to Shay Connor and Elizabeth Prescott!" The girl shouted, I hid my face into my arms as Mr. Smith told the class to sing me happy birthday.
I hate my birthday.
After school I drove home and was greeted by the large empty space, yes, I have rich kid syndrome—the loneliness is the worst part. Big house, nice car, gated community, parents got money (in this case it's just my mom) yet I never cared for that lifestyle. Lauren isn't my real mom, she adopted me when I was twelve after my parents were robbed and killed, I was sent to live with Lauren as she was on the foster care list and seeing as she was wealthy the system stuck me with her.
Lauren is kind and very nurturing, but I hate our lavish lifestyle—the constant judgment I had obtained throughout my life is hard enough, yes universe pack on more drama!
It was bad enough when my parents died, that was in the newspaper, seeing as Kingsdale is a small town, everything is known. I was forced into therapy despite not showing any form of emotion about the situation, to this day I still don't, maybe my brain is wired incorrectly or maybe it'll never hit me; I just didn't, as the doctors put, care all that much.
Lauren eventually decided I was cool enough to adopted and six meetings later she signed the papers and got full custody of me. Now I get whatever I want and get judged by the town because anyone that lives in East Wood is obviously a cold hearted money hungry monster—jokes on them most of my mom's earning goes to the state during tax season and charities.
Upon entering the kitchen I spotted the note and the box of donuts on the counter, the note read.
Sweetheart I'm sorry I had to run into the office for a bit, be home for dinner though! Happy birthday.
I sighed, took a donut, and went upstairs to my room, I turned on the tv and started let a random show run while I played on my phone, I scrolled on social media and liked some fellow classmates posts before instantly regretting refreshing the page.
A post from Avery's account popped up, it had been posted four minutes ago and I accidentally liked it, I stared the stupid post, it was a dumb happy anniversary thing, about six slides of Maddy and Avery kissing or hugging. I read the caption and wanted nothing to not feel anything.
I love you immensely.
But I wanted that.
Why can't I be loved immensely?
I tried to not feel so down about things right now, sure my birthday was shit and my never came home last night, but school is nearly over and were pretty much only watching movies right now, Mr. Smith is a huge potterhead and we're watching all the movies until the school year ends.
I finally cleaned out my locker when James walked over, looking pissed. "What's up with you?" I asked yanking at my zipper. "Apologize," he said, I threw my hair over my shoulder and shook my head, he scoffed. "Shay, seriously."
I slammed my locker door shut. "No."
"Why not? Can you actually not be happy for others?"
"Fuck you, yes I can."
"You got a shitty way of showing it."
I clenched my fists. "I don't need this," I hissed and turned on my heel. "You can run for your problems but they'll still be there!" James shouted as I exited the school, the parking lot was filled with students trying to rush to their cars a buses, I got into mine and was immediately shocked when a sight I didn't think I see grab my attention.
Standing a few feet in front me stood Avery Harris and Leo Choi, arguing, like in each other's face arguing. I couldn't hear what was being said, but it looked like it was only going to get worse, so before that could happen I immediately rushed over and assessed the situation.
"Alright, enough, if someone wants to get expelled they can and will!" I snapped getting between them. "Go away Connors," Avery hissed. "No," I replied back, "I don't take orders from you Harris."
"Want another busted lip?" Avery asked, I crossed my arms and sneered, "Want your girlfriend to find out?"
Leo chuckled behind me. "Can it bone head," I snarled, "and to think I thought you were cute, you're just a loser," I turned back to Avery, "and you're the worst of them."
Avery didn't say anything to me as I walked back my car, I got in and headed to the one place I felt most secure; the Kingsdale's book store.
It was built around the same time the town was coming up, so late eighteen-hundreds. It smelled of peppermint as I walked in and greeted Mrs. Yang by the front desk, I went to the very back and took a seat on the floor underneath the ac vent, I started on a mystery series before getting bored and asking if I could do anything. Mrs. Yang asked me to put the returns away so as I went through them, which was a lot, I spoke to her about my problems.
"I don't know was I wrong?" I asked her, she sighed and placed her head on her hands. "What do you think Shay?" She asked, I stopped what I was doing. "Yeah, I guess," I replied, "but, what about me? What about my feelings?"
She moved to take a seat. "Shay, how you feel and how your friends feel are two completely different things, sometimes you gotta put them before yourself." She explained, I looked down at my shoes. "What if I can't do that?" I questioned. "Well, then you never truly gave a shit after," she answered, "anything else?"
"No, bye Mrs. Yang see you Tuesday," I jumped off the stool and left, I got into my car and went home. Lauren was surprisingly home when I arrived, I could hear her singing in the kitchen—God she was bad. I escaped into the safety of my room and laid on my bed, I felt the tears fall but allowed them to, I was so tired.
