Teach Me Right

Chapter 41

Recap

'P'Arthit I'm sorry.' He started. His hoarse voice made me open my eyes.

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Arthit's POV

'It's not that I don't respect you or trust you. But I've been feeling so frustrated lately that I don't know what I'm doing anymore. I love you so much and want to spend the rest of my life with you. But I have to leave in 14 days and I don't even know how you feel about me. I know, I know that I promised to respect your thoughts, I know I told you that what we have is enough. And it is. I don't want to force you or manipulate you into a relationship with me. But P'...' He trailed off and took a deep and shaky breath before continuing.

'What am I supposed to do? I' feel so frustrated so useless and I feel like you are slipping away from me.' His voice broke at the last word making me turn around. I was startled to see tears sliding down from the corners of his eyes. However, what surprised me more was how seeing Kongpob in tears made me feel.

I felt like I'd suddenly taken a punch to the gut or as if somebody's taken bunch of needles to make a sieve out of my heart. For a moment I couldn't move or breath. 

But Kongpob was crying and I had to do something. Because my Kongpob was hurting. I didn't even stop before moving to hug him tightly, patting his back slowly in what I hoped would be a comforting gesture.

I felt Kongpob freeze for a moment before putting his arms around my waist and hiding his face on my chest. I kept patting his back as his shoulders shook with silent sobs, hoping I was doing the right thing. 

I don't know how much time we spent like that but it was long enough for me to reflect on some of the things that happened earlier today.

This was the first time I've had a disagreement with Kongpob. That made this our first "couple's fight" and I didn't like it. I didn't like it that I was angry with Kongpob and how it was making me feel, like I was rotten inside. Especially, I didn't like the way I felt when Kongpob opened up about his worries.  

The thing is, Kongpob is not someone who does things just because he wants to. He's not spoiled like that. It spoke volumes that someone like that would interfere with my work for a simple camping trip. It is obvious that he was feeling rather desperate and despite my assurance, he must have felt like the two of us were drifting apart. Coupled with the looming long distance relationship we will have to handle after two weeks when Kongpob leave for USA, he must have felt justified when he decided to cancel my appointment with his sister. 

Which kind of made it my fault too. Even though Kongpob had been living with me for most of the past week, the two of us didn't get to spend much time alone with each other. I was always busy with my work and Kongpob also had million different things to do before leaving for USA. While I didn't have any special feelings about the lack of time we spent together, Kongpob was different and it must have bothered him to feel like we were drifting apart even when we were sleeping on the same bed every night. 

After I came to that conclusion, I was surprised at my self for being able to analyze the situation like that. Maybe having a lover is not so bad after all huh?

After some time Kongpob's tears gradually stopped. I took a wet tissue and helped clean Kongpob's face. His eyes were red and a bit swollen making me feel distressed. He took the tissue from my hand and covered his eyes with it.

'I'm sorry for venting and breaking down like that P'Arthit.' Kongpob said and despite the situation that made me chuckle.

'Well who else do you plan to vent at next time then?' I asked, smiling. Kongpob removed the tissue from his face and looked at me in surprise.