STELLINA

18.

Chiara Rossi.

After giving Lorenzo his freedom, I headed for the bathroom with a slightly lighter heart than a few hours before. Part of me knew very well why I felt less anxious and that reason was the tall Mafioso in my kitchen.

Despite the danger that surrounded this man, the cruelty he showed to his enemies, the reputation he had, somehow he gave me that sense of security that I so desperately longed for and that only he seemingly could give me. When he was near me I felt untouchable and the way he treated me made me believe that I would never have to worry as long as he was there, I would be safe.
I swung open the bathroom door and shut myself in. This had become a pattern since my life had become a complete mess. Every place, every room I entered, I felt the need to shut it, to lock myself in. It made me feel safe to know that the door was closed and I perceived this as a shield.

Swiftly my clothes were falling down to the floor, leaving my body bare to the cool air that made me shiver. I hastily got into the shower and immediately ran the burning water over my frail body. The feeling of well-being soon took over my body. And for a few seconds that became minutes, I allowed myself to close my eyes and think of nothing but the ecstatic sensation of the boiling water flowing over my body.
But soon I got lost in my thoughts, deep memories that I had never relived before. Gradually, I felt as if I were reliving the scene, but this time as a spectator.

I saw myself as a little girl playing on the beach on a hot summer day, in her baby blue swimsuit. Italian summers were always my favourite. Papà always made sure that we didn't miss any summer in Scilla, because it was a Rossi's tradition.

Scilla was the most beautiful town I had ever seen. A fishermen's town with its charm and atypical architecture, a magical town where the salty air of the Tyrrhenian Sea accompanied our long summer evening walks. Papà used to always buy us a gelato at Zio Renzo's restaurant. This thought brought a wide smile to my lips.

I remember that day when Papà couldn't come with us to the seaside. Instead, it was Zia Arabella who took us to the sea. I spent the whole ride crying because I wanted Papà to come with us, but he had too much work to do. Matteo had held my hand the whole way. He dried my tears and promised to give me a gelato if I smiled. And, I did exactly what he asked me. I would've been crazy to say No to Zio Renzo's chocolate gelato.

When we arrived, Matteo had asked Zio Renzo for a gelato, which he paid for with his own money before offering it to me. He was so proud of him for being able to pay with the money Nonna had given to him earlier in the week. I was the happiest little girl and Matteo had become my hero, my protector and best friend that day and it never changed since. No matter how life treats us, Matteo would always remain that super hero to me. That's why it was hard for me to see my brother differently than the perfect vision I had of him.

Just as I opened my eyes to turn off the tap, I couldn't help but smile at the memory. My brothers and especially Matteo have always treated me like a princess, he has always managed to erase all my sorrows, to heal my wounds and to never let me feel alone. Sometimes I wish I could go back to those moments of pure innocence when my brothers and I would spend our time at the beach playing for hours, lying on the sand and watching the stars. The brightest star was Mamma and we never left the beach without seeing her and talking to her.

Sometimes Papà forbade us to leave the house, but Matteo always took us back to the beach so that Luca and I could talk to our mother. It was a tradition for the three of us because Papà didn't like to talk about mamma, so one night we promised each other that we would always talk about and to her and come to the beach to see her shine on the sky every night.

A few tears rolled down my face, and for once I didn't mind crying. On the contrary, it felt good, it felt good to think about my childhood, about Scilla, about our inseparable trio. Mamma would have been so proud of her children and especially of Matteo. He had managed to be the ideal big brother.

Nostalgia was mixed with guilt. What Matteo had never failed at, I had failed at. I judged my brother without trying to understand or support him. I was terribly remorseful because even though he had not explicitly expressed it, I knew that he had been hurt by my behaviour. I had put a distance between him and me, and this distance sickened me. I had to apologize to my brother, I had to thank him for everything he had done for me, I had to express my love and support. No matter what my brother did, it didn't change the person I loved. It didn't change all the memories we had together, all our summers in Scilla, all our laughs, all our getaways from home, all our moments. Nothing had changed and yet I had acted as if it had.

I got out of the shower and as I wrapped a towel around my wet body, I thought of little Chiara who loved her brother so much, who always needed to see him to feel happy. I thought of her and how sorrowful she would be to know that I had broken the most beautiful thing I had. I decided that I would go to see Matteo, that I would apologise in person and that I would tell him everything that was on my mind, I would do everything to regain my big brother.
As soon as I left the bathroom, a familiar smell invaded my nostrils. The smell of freshly baked cannelloni had filled the flat. It reminded me so much of Nonna's kitchen. My stomach seemed to have caught the scent as it began to rumble, prompting me to hurry up and get dressed.

Once my hair was braided and my pyjamas were on, I joined Lorenzo in the kitchen and before announcing my presence, I couldn't help but observe him. He was so concentrated when he was cooking that he didn't even seem to notice my presence. He looked so good while cooking that I could watch him for hours. His brown eyes were shining and a proud smile could be read on his lips.

The more I watched him, the more my lips stretched into an amused smile. I held back my laughter at the perfectionism he was showing for a simple dish. I knew that food was considered sacred in Italy, but some random pasta would have been great to be honest, he was not forced to go all out for me, as pleasing it was.

At least I think he was doing it for me, and my heart began to beat faster when I realised again that Lorenzo had preferred to stay with me so that I wouldn't be alone. That he had offered to make me a meal, just to make me feel better. No one before had done that for me, apart from my brothers, and a strange feeling came over me that made my heart beat rapidly.

"Stellina are you here ? " The husky voice of the man in front of me pulled me out of my reverie and I nodded positively before offering him a shy smile and helping him prepare the table.

A/N : thank you for your patience ! I have been re-publishing the chapters i had once published, but that were not considered published by wattpad. Thank you for your support, especially lately my story got 3K of new readers which is crazy and has been added to a lot of reading list. It definitely makes me happy and motivate again to continue to write. Thank you for your support !!