Elijah's Glory (Urban)

8•

Chapter 8
Tahjae Williams

"Ok Miss Williams go on..." My therapist started as I grew uncomfortable.

This shit was insane as hell. She knew everything, from E going ghost, to my miscarriage, to my insomnia and worst my anxiety.

This helped somewhat but having to explain to her that E was back in my life was worst, for the past five months through everything I shared with Dr. Reyes I've never said or did something for her to have gotten startled, well that was until today.

After explaining everything that had happened she'd looked at me in disbelief to where she'd asked me to repeat myself.

It really was no better cause then I was starting to think that maybe, just maybe I was the crazy one.

She assured me that I wasn't though.

"What are your thoughts towards yourself." She asked giving me her undivided attention.

"Well if I'm being honest with you, I haven't felt anything negative towards myself." I spoke truthfully.

"I'm not in the best headspace but I'm definitely okay with where I am as of how far I've came." I spoke as she nodded.

"I had to learn how to take it easy on me. I had to learn that this wasn't all my fault. I had to learn that things change, people change and life goes on-" I paused.

"I had to learn to love me, genuinely at that." I said dropping my head and looking at my nails.

"Do you feel like you alone are capable of giving your self this love?" She asked as I shrugged.

"It doesn't really matter."

That was the truth, I know I was loved by those that surrounded me, I knew that I was cared for and I knew that they were concerned for me, the thing is that people can show you all of this and you could still not feel it.

I couldn't blame them for what I was truly feeling, cause I honestly figured that this was strictly something that had to do with me internally.

I vowed to work on myself and my trauma.

"All I know is that I want to give myself the absolute best that I can, cause after all this-" I motion my index finger around.

"I deserve it. Further more I owe it to myself." I spoke as she nodded with a short smile.

"I'm glad that you're finally realizing that Tahjae. You're deserving no matter what."

"The trauma you'd sustain from after all of this would definitely break many."

"You are one of the strong ones Tahjae. I say this to say, this wouldn't be something that you're going to just overcome within a short amount of time..."

"You will dwell on it, you will question yourself, you will have doubt, and that is okay. It is though- time for you to now take control of this fight. You have to take this into your own hands and decide on how you're going to move in terms of you putting this behind you."

Her words were whatever at this point, I get that she meant the best, the truth even, but I didn't feel very deserving of it.

I hated being called strong, cause I definitely didn't feel like it. E flying up in my face that night at the club really did a number on me. I really was scared of that man at this point, he broke me. Literally.

Between him and my father I was left so hurt, I understood my abandonment issues I dealt with that, I overcame that— at least I thought that I did. I was on the road to being done with this, I had learned to accept and deal with whatever trauma I had in my past. However I wasn't taught on what to did if it came back.