Ten Years Apart

Chapter 12

I KEPT THINKING, WHY WAS IT TOO SUDDEN? WHY does everything happen so easily? I could still remember everything vividly, clearly, and in detail. I still remember the times when Elmer was very much alive. That time we first met and got to know each other. The things I scolded him that he only responded with smiles and laughter. The way he smiled and laughed was still fresh in my memory. In my mind, he was still alive. In my mind, he never left me... us. In my mind, he was still smiling widely while looking at me.

I did not want to accept the fact that he was no longer in this world. Even though I saw his cold body with my own eyes, I just really couldn't.

I hope I'm just in a bad dream. I hope one day I wake up and the first thing I see is Elmer's face smiling at me as he caresses my face. I continue to rely on his promise that he will not leave me.

But even after several days, I still don't wake up. I was still stuck in this nightmare- a nightmare where Elmer was already gone.

Whenever I close my eyes, I could still feel the warmth of Elmer's touch. When I close my eyes, I can still hear his laugh. When I close my eyes, I see his smile. I wanted to close my eyes forever. If only I could not open my eyes, I would do it so that I could continue to see him alive. Every time I open my eyes, I am greeted by the fact that there is no more. A place that will never go is slapping me Elmer at any time.

A few days have passed since the tragedy happened in my life. My parents shouldered everything. All the expenses of Elmer's funeral, they spent. Elmer's family is poor so they were very happy with the help my parents gave. Mom and Dad don't have that compared to what Elmer helped in the mansion and me. Dad suggested that Elmer's body be cremated but his mother refused. It is said that Elmer legacy is that if he ever dies, he wants a decent funeral.

He wants to be buried for a few days where all his loved ones will come to catch a glimpse of him for the last time. Elmer doesn't want anyone crying. He wants when he leaves the world, everyone is smiling.

I bit my lip when I remembered the conversation between Dad and Elmer's mom. It seems that Elmer has prepared for this to happen. He seems to know that he will soon disappear from the world.

I didn't go to Elmer's hill. I really don't want to accept it. It's hard, very hard. I'm just in my room and locked up. Doesn't say a word, doesn't go out and rarely eats. I don't feel like moving, talking and paying attention to who is around. My parents tried to talk to me several times but I didn't speak. I just stared into nothingness. They always ask me to eat but I don't answer.

Every part of my body was still aching. My heart seemed to stop beating. I don't go around inside the mansion because every sulk of it reminds me of Elmer. I remember the times when we had fun talking. Every time I would remember him, I felt everything turn to havoc. So, as much as possible, I just stay in my room and lock myself away.

But fate is playful because even in my room we have many memories and curses. Surprisingly, I didn't cry. My chest hurts but I don't cry. I think my whole body is numb. The day that Elmer left this world for good is now numb.

I closed my eyes again and the words he said came back to me immediately.

"We're going to get married, if you're twenty years old."

"We're going to a country with snow so we can see your relatives together. Ha-ha-ha."
"We're going to make a family, my yuki. A happy family. Our children playing in the living room while you prepare dinner. It's a good feeling to imagine that".
"You're the only girl I want to spend the rest of my life with." "
I love you so much, my yuki. You are the queen of my life."

All the memories came back, but he never did. He left me with only memories and promises we made to each other that were never fulfilled. And I know that no matter how much I cry or beg, it will never come true. My whole body is in so much pain, I can't describe how much it hurts.