The Autobiography Of An Alien

Chapter 23 - Victorious

Draft #107 - Uncertainty

As surefooted as I often present myself to be, I am often plagued with doubts. Doubts of my worth, doubts of my abilities, and doubts of my character. Sometimes, I wonder if it is really me who has done all these things I have been celebrated for, and not some imposter taking hold of my skin. 

But there is one thing I am of which I am certain: I adore my family. It is an odd family, that is clear, but I love each and every one of them regardless of that. Now, with my son, it has only grown. I did not think I could love so much, and yet, here I am. 

***

Returning to his duties as Vokkra was just as easy and difficult as he expected. 

He did have some challengers, but after resting for just under a month before his return, he bested them with ease. After all, he had something precious to fight for. His son danced in the back of his mind as he subdued his competition. 

By some Spirit-ordained miracle, nothing of substance had occurred while he was indisposed. Rukka and Kohgrash had done a wonderful job managing his affairs, even with the festival passing right before his son's hatching. The Alliance had reached out briefly, but a quick message to Porrafka and L'rrim had that handled. Earth's delegates had handled any disruption with their planet, of which there was few, and only two shuttles had been ferried to A1-308 during his time under. 

It was a bit of relief if he were honest. Rulshkka had honestly expected something horrific to happen. 

Tensions slowly diminished with Kohgrash. Rulshkka apologized every chance he got, even if they were interrupted and cut off in the middle by an irritated human. Several nights after the Need had been broken, Kohgrash had climbed upstairs while Thruul had taken their hatchling downstairs to "educate him on how to make a proper meal" and sat beside him on the couch. It hadn't taken long for the human to drift off into an uneasy sleep. His poor Kohgrash was exhausted.

Rulshkka had taken the opportunity for what it was and carefully pulled the human closer. He went easily, which was a relief. There was some part of him that knew Rulshkka was safe. He had started dozing as well, lulled by the warmth of his friend and the quiet noises of his mate humming downstairs, when Kohgrash startled awake, merely an hour later. 

Half-awake, Rulshkka had reached out to brush his claws against his fur in an attempt to comfort his friend, but Kohgrash had flinched backward, dropping onto the floor in a heap. He quickly got to his feet, chest heaving. 

Instead of turning away, though, his face screwed up and Rulshkka was not surprised to see water leaking out of his eyes. 

"I hate this," he confided in a heated whisper. "You're back, and I can't get over what happened." 

Rulshkka stayed quiet for a second, looking at him with wide eyes. His apologies would likely never help, and his guilt would never be assuaged. He could only hope that time lessened Kohgrash's fear. "It'll take time, Kohgrash." 

Kohgrash wobbled on his feet, and Rulshkka spread out his arms hesitantly. He wasn't sure if he would even appreciate the gesture, considering they'd just barely gotten back to casual touches. But Kohgrash stepped forward and Rulshkka hugged him as tightly as he dared with his injuries. 

"You threw a couch at me," Kohgrash mumbled into his shirt. Rulshkka couldn't help the disbelieving laugh, breaking some of the tension between them. 

"Did I?" 

"You really don't remember it?" his voice was small. 

Rulshkka tried to. All he remembered was betrayal and a sense of wrongness. He told him as much.