The Autobiography Of An Alien

Interlude: Venomous Viktor, part 2

Viktor could barely contain himself. His backpack straps dug into his arms with how tightly he had it on, and it was nearly as big as he was. He may have gone overboard.

In it, he had packed a few lighters, the entirety of Vok'Rul's med-pack, reusable plastic bags, and even a thermos. It had a little spoon for soup! He had even brought a few of Nikolas's survival guides. The ones that fit in his pockets, anyway.

"They provide tents there, but I thought I'd bring my sleeping bag just in case, anyways," he said, bouncing in place. His bag made a lot of racket, but Vikka seemed pretty impressed with it, so he kept moving. "It was crazy hard rolling it up again, but I got it."

"Uh huh," Vok'Rul said indulgently, looking nervous. Vitkor's bracelet buzzed more than usual. Viktor grabbed his hand and squeezed. "But must we fly over there?"

"You flew all the way over here," he said. "That's like... driving 'cross the country and then complaining about a trip to McDonald's."

"I remember McDonald's," said Vok'Rul. "Their meat was weird."

"You really have to eat the whole thing to enjoy a burger there, I guess."

"Hello!" A Montet appeared from out of the ship that was going to ferry them across the wilderness. The ship was small and obviously not meant for space travel. Viktor had read that the maximum height it reached was about forty-two thousand feet. But he didn't have any reference for that. He assumed it was pretty low, though. "I am going to be your pilot today. I am called Lekelsk."

The Montet was... odd, to say the least. Not in a bad way! But different. Most other Montet stuck to the color green, with only sparse flowers decorating them. Leaves and vines were the most popular choice of decor, but Lekelsk decorated herself in what looked to be shrubbery-like vegetation, decorated with pink roses. Or, well, what Viktor thought to be roses. They certainly looked like roses.

But while other Montets were rather boxy and stout, looking much wilder and frenzied, Lekelsk was shaped like a spiral. Pink flowers dotted the tips of her swirls, accented by white ones.

"You would win a hedge-trimming contest," the words blurted out of his mouth before he could slap a filter on it. "Oh, my God, sorry, I just meant..." He couldn't find an excuse that didn't make him sound like an idiot. He heard Kac and Rukka chuckle behind him.

"Aww, thank you!" Lekelsk said cheerfully. "Don't worry - I've read all about humans and your compliments! I was so, so excited to see that I had one on my roster!"

Viktor smiled awkwardly. Lekelsk definitely noticed because she jumped right into an obviously rehearsed and well-practiced speech.

"This trip is sponsored by Loodruy and is intended as a way to reconnect - or in some cases - connect with nature. Kuy is a very wild and free planet, but our Spirits - the koiy-eh - take good care of us. There are a select few that are intended with nature and what our koiy-eh wants and needs. A handful of them decided to create this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to endure in the wild and experience what it is like to be free, unrestrained, and relaxed.

"During this week-long get-away, you will truly understand what it means to become one with nature. You will live off the land, sleep under the stars, and leave behind the conveniences of the modern world. Take care of the planet, and it will take care of you, is the Montet way of life."

Lekelsk snapped to attention, straightening up. Her vines shivered in place. "Now, with that, have any of you any questions?"

Vok'Rul started pestering her with questions of, how long have you been flying? Have there been any accidents since this started? How safe is the trip? And on and on and on! Viktor knew Vok'Rul was paranoid, but this was a bit much. And completely unwarranted.