It's Definitely Not All Mary Poppins

Another Smoke Break (3)

He turned, finding Lilly peeking out from the crack in the door. "Hey," he breathed, kneeling down. "Are you okay?"

Lilly stepped out, the decapitated unicorn head in her arms. "I...slept through Eli's...thing," she whispered. She glanced down, wiping her bleary eyes. "When...in the morning, can I tell him I'm sorry?" She yawned. "I'm gonna...make him a big picture tomorrow. To say sorry."

Matthew nodded. "Yeah." He stood, offering her his hand. "Want to go see the memorial?"

She hummed her response, her hand sliding into his. Her footsteps were stumbling, eyes heavy.

When they arrived, Matthew gritted his teeth at the sight of the candles snuffed out. Yang's office door was closed, and he was not outside the makeshift kitchen. He relit them.

Kneeling on the pillow, Lilliana pressed her hands together and tipped her fingers against the bridge of her nose, humming. "I don't know if I'm doin' this right," she admitted. "This's how Eli does it, right?"

"...yeah." He kept his eyes peeled on the hall, the terrace. Anywhere her father could be lurking.

"Matt?"

"Mhm?"

"Daddy's sad."

Matthew rolled his eyes. "I know."

"No, he's sad." She glanced to him. "He's really sad, now."

Kneeling beside her, Matthew leaned forward. "What does that mean?"

She shook her head. "He, just..." Lilly grunted, rubbing her eyes. "I don't know. Daddy's sad." She stood up, wiping her face with the unicorn head. "Can you help him?"

Matthew stood, taking her hand before leading her back upstairs. "I can only help if he wants to be helped, Lilly, and he – "

"Why doesn't he want help?"

"...I don't know."

Lilliana leaned against him. She said nothing more as he opened the door and tucked her back in. She whispered a quiet "Goodnight" before turning over and sighing, though Matthew knew she would be awake for the rest of the night.

The candles, again, had been snuffed out, yet Jun sat before the small altar, staring, his knees pulled into his chest, as if taunting Matt back.

It worked. Matthew stomped into the room and snapped a match alight.

"I do not like open flames, Mr. Robinson."

Matthew ignored him. He relit the candles with such ferocity the flame didn't have time to inch closer to his fingertips. Once both candles were aglow, he snapped the burnt match at his employer; it clattered to the floor. "Fuck you."

The older man said nothing.

Kicking the door closed, Matthew wanted to kick him while he was down. To ask more. Why he was like this.

Yang reached forward.

Matthew slapped his hand away.

His eyes lingered on the nanny for a moment, surprised. "Hmm," Jun offered, slow and thoughtful and so goddamned sad.

He said it out of spite, out of frustration; only a part of him really meant it. "I hope your ex-wife knows how lucky she is to have left you."

"...I know."

Burning bloomed from Matthew's eyes. "I hope Eli and Lilly learn how much of a loathsome, fucking monster you are."

"...I know."

"I hope you – "

"Matt."

And he stopped. He deflated, and Matthew wondered how long he had been standing there before he asked, "You can't tell me why?"

Jun swallowed. He shook his head. "No." The word was quiet, exhausted.

Matthew sat down, his legs outstretched. "...when did Eli come to stay here?"

"Four years ago?" the older man wondered, his stare fixed to a spot on the floor. "It was my fault. Not – " He sat up. He did not look at Matt. "I should've asked them to stay, but..." Yang then deflated, a defeated smile on his face. "We fought."

Inhaling, he nodded. A headache started pounding Matthew's temples.

Yang clasped his hands together. "It's...complicated," he said. "And I do not want to think about it."

Sighing, Matthew stood. The obvious hesitation made him stop and pause, but not enough to press for more details. Matthew rubbed his temples, wishing for bed. "Sir...I'm in no mood anymore for this. Goodnight." He turned to go.

"Matt."

Matthew glanced back.

Jun watched the flames, shadows dancing across his face. "Just...I need time," he whispered. "All of it – thinking about it – all of it hurts."

"...four years isn't enough?"

He turned his eyes to the nanny. "I am tired, of fighting. Myself, my children, you. I am so tired."

And Matthew swallowed, uncertain of what to feel anymore. Exhaustion, certainly, but now he wasn't sure. He returned to Jun's side and pressed a hand to his shoulder, some semblance of comfort.

Yang inhaled.

"How long are you willing to fight, Jun?"

The older man scoffed, shaking his head. He drew in a breath, never taking his eyes off the gentle yellow fire.

"...let them burn."

"I did not plan on sleeping, anyway."

Matthew started withdrawing. Opening the door, he turned back and whispered, "Let them burn. If not for you, then for Eli."

Jun glanced at him.

"...goodnight, sir."

Yang said nothing. He regarded Matthew for a moment before turning his attention back to the altar.

Matthew retired for the night.