FEMBOYS

Viktor Nikiforov

Viktor Nikiforov || Yuri!!! On Ice

TW: angst, horrible self image, suicide mention, ED mention,
please skip if you're sensitive about this

longer than normal, didnt have a character in mind until the end ngl so OOC probably lol, happy late valentines :)

You were so disappointed in yourself. How did you manage to fail again? Maybe your parent(s) were right; pursue an actual attainable career instead of this rink of ice you wasted years of your youth on. So now, standing in the center of the dimly lit ice rink at almost 2am, hours after staying until closing hours, you contemplated if you were good enough. If you had ever been good enough.

You didn't know anymore.

"Fuck..." was all that left your lips after coming in contact with the cold hard ice once again. The pain from your leg was immense but you ignored it as you laid spread eagle; and besides, the ice calms down the swelling right?

"..fuck," you muttered again, lifting your arms to shield your face from the glaring lights above you. With a small groan you sat up, weakly moving your eyes to the sharp blade a few feet away from you that was once connected to your boot. Blankly staring at it, you began to space off into your mind.

What if? What would it look like? What would people say? Would you be considered an attention-seeker? Would anyone genuinely be upset? It was hard to tell.

Maybe it was the warm tears streaming down your cold face or the pain finally catching up to you that made you come back to your surroundings. Whatever it was, made you feel weak; why are you crying now? After all these years, why are you crying now?

Tears dripped onto the ice as you weakly took your skate and, now, boot off, chucking them to where the blade once laid alone. Your leg burned as you struggled to stand up, barely able to move it without it hurting. With your head hung low you stared at the ice, had blood always been there?

"Fuck...," you whispered weakly again, barely able to hear yourself over the constant buzzing of the lights. "Why are you crying m/n? It's been 10 years, you knew this would happen one day. Just keep your emotions bottled up as you always have, it's not that hard, you've been doing it since you were 12, get over yourself."

You tilted your head back with shut eyes and took deep breaths to stop yourself from crying, folding one of you hands into a fist before rubbing your pointer fingers' knuckle with your thumb. Should you stop trying all together? Live life like other people your age? Get a boring 9 to 5 that you'll dread to go to when you wake up after 3 hours of sleep?

Maybe experience a relationship? You haven't genuinely liked someone since you were 11 years old, 11 years and yet you're still in the same situation as before... kinda funny when you think about it. Maybe you just wanna stay home in bed until you're decomposing.

You sadly woke up with your phone beside you, the brightness probably worsening your eyesight. The last thing you wanted to do today was to get up from bed and actually start your day like a responsible person. But unfortunately, you were almost the exact opposite of that, let alone a person who cares for themselves.

Whatever, you thought, at least I'm happy in li- ah no, they got you there too. So, after listening to depressing ass songs while reading one-sided no comfort fics at 7a.m.(you don't choose to wake up that early, just school ptsd), you decide to get up.

With a mask on you decided to waste money on a drink at a local coffee shop so you don't have to deal with the guilty conscience of eating. You had to say your order twice 'cause you spoke too quietly the first time. Mentally embarrassed, you grabbed your drink and went to the back of the shop where no one else was.

Well, at least you thought nobody was. Instead you saw this white haired man and you assumed his dog that laid on the seat next to him.

"Damn.." you mumbled, about to walk away before the guy sitting noticed you.

"Hey! Did you wanna sit here?" He asked with a friendly smile, which kinda made you uncomfortable. Who the hells that happy this early? You hesitantly nodded, "you can sit down with me, I don't mind."

With a shake of your head you could barely muster out a, "no it's okay, I can find somewhere else to sit."

"Nonsense! Come sit with me. Besides, you look interesting."

Was he talking about the fact you're wearing a mask or that your eyebags perfectly match your dead eyes? You weren't sure if what he said is a compliment or not but you hesitantly sat down anyways. It was uncomfortably quiet for a few minutes until you decided to say something.

"Well.. this was fun, but I think I need to go and walk my uh, tarantula now... goodbye." You put your hand on the table to help you stand up and get the fuck outta there but he instantly grabbed it.

"But it's only been thirty seconds, surely your pet.. tarantula... can wait. Please?"

Instantly pulling your hand from under his you couldn't help but think he's starting to act like a child predator. On god he was annoying though.

"I honestly have to go, this is about the same time I jerk off so.." you think he'd believe your pitiful excuse of an apology? His face flushed when he registered what you said, a hand flying up to cover his mouth but nodded anyways.

"...that's a shame, have.. fun with that.."

"Yeah uh, you too."