VANESSA
My silk dressing gown trailed along the floor behind me as I walked barefoot through my New York Penthouse apartment. Darkness surrounded me, but I was okay with that, in fact, I preferred it that way. It's easier to process my thoughts in the dark.
I reached up and grabbed a jar of peanut butter from the cupboard and a spoon from the drawer, before walking towards an armchair in the living area. I sat down and curled my legs up.
I dipped my spoon into the peanut butter and brought it to my mouth. It gave me the feeling of nostalgia, of happy childhood memories of my brother and I when we were young.
Finley used to steal the jar of peanut butter from the cupboard and I would get the spoons. We would hide and eat the entire jar until we were nauseous or until we got caught. Most of the time we got caught. It's a good memory I will never forget.
My therapist wants me to let go of the bad memories and focus on the good ones. It's easier said than done. My past is more bad than good and it haunts me in my sleep. I guess that's why I'm sitting in my living room at 3 am. It's become a habit.
Michael...
He's a little niggle in the back of my mind when I find a moment of happiness. Not a good niggle, but of course a bad one. The things that he did... The things that we did. I wish I could forget it all. I wish it was that simple, but it isn't.
I walked towards the window upon hearing the sound of the cars below. New York... a city that never sleeps. Like me. I wondered if the people down below had a lot on their minds just like I do.
I reached into my dressing gown pocket to pull out the envelope that I'd been clinging to all day.
"There you are."I heard his groggy voice and I slipped the envelope back into my pocket quickly before turning around."It's 3 am, Couldn't you sleep?"Jeremy yawned.
"Not really. I have a lot on my mind I guess."I smiled and folded my arms across my chest.
"Like what?"He asked as he crossed the room towards the kitchen. Jeremy grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge."You know, I would like it if my wife would open up and talk to me sometimes."
"I know... I mean I will if it's important. I just miss everyone back home, I didn't expect New York to be so lonely."I grabbed the jar of peanut butter from the armchair and brought it to the kitchen. I sat it on the counter.
"Well it's only been a year, we're still adjusting to our life here. If I'm being honest, Gorgeous, you haven't exactly been open to the idea of making new friends."
"I have so. I've been trying. What about that dinner last week with those clients of yours? I sat with the wives alone talking about Botox and how to make your body tight after having babies."I replied.
"I recall you texting me an hour in asking me to save you."Jeremy chuckled and I didn't reply. He found it amusing but he was right in what he said. Maybe I haven't been trying hard enough. It's hard to let people into my life I guess.
He walked towards me."I know that it's difficult for you, adjusting to a life without them. Maybe they can come stay a couple of days. I'm not fond of Alex... but I'd put up with him for you."
I smiled."Really... Are you sure you could handle that? He's kind of a handful... especially when he's drunk."
"No more than you are I'm sure."He smirked. "I've had you all to myself for a year, I think I can manage to share you for a couple of days."We've been happily married for almost a year and he still makes an effort to turn on the charm. I got lucky with him."Think about it. I just want you to be happy."
