𝗠𝗜𝗦𝗦 𝗙𝗟𝗢𝗥𝗜𝗦𝗧 , ʸᵘʳⁱ ᵇʳⁱᵃʳ

entry eleven

ENTRY11;
fear for the end
the devil returns

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"YOU DID   what?!" camilla gapes at me, eyes wide and mouth hung open. she's shocked and a bit angry, it's understandable why - I did just explain to her my disaster of a date. "I knew you were hopeless in dating but I didn't expect you to ruin your chances on your first date with him!" she shakes her head, bringing the cup of warm coffee up to her lips. wow, way to put it lightly, though I'd expect nothing less from her.

after the mishap with yuri a few days prior, it was like he disappeared without a trace.. I might just be overexaggerating, but I mean it when it was like his whole presence went 'zip'. he hadn't visited and I haven't heard from him in so long. I must sound like some clingy girlfriend, but with the way things ended that night - how could I not be paranoid of our relationship?

like, what if I truly did chase him away? were my insecurities too controlling of me that night, did I take it too far with my overthinking? gosh [name], how could you have been so careless, we had it all under control and you just had to-

a clap jolts me out of my dazed state, it was camilla and she was looking at me with downcast eyes. 'you did it again you idiot.' my inner-self mocks me, I thought she'd finally kicked the bucket after so much silence. camilla places a hand over my palm, and I realize I'd been chewing my nails in an attempt to ease my worries. 

"[nickname]," there it is, cami only calls me that only when it she's serious. "what happened?" she looks at me, big green eyes filled with worry. my heart warms from how much she cares but it constricts uncomfortably knowing I'd have to explain what happened. I let out an awkward laugh, geez..

"nothing much, really, I just let my emotions run rampant too much and ended up ruining the date." 'ruining' may have put the matter too lightly, but it perfectly summarized what had happened. camilla offers me a smile, a reassuring one, not unlike her sly smirks or her snide grins. 

"I'm sure whatever you did wasn't that bad! maybe, maybe that guy of yours is just busy with work? you did say he was a military officer or whatnot." right, I forgot to mention to her the 'guy' I was seeing, was actually yors brother. I smile back at her, however, mine didn't seem to share the same reassurance hers did. having nothing else to say, silence engulfed us and as much as it seemed comfortable for camilla, it was unbearable for me, sliding her hands off mine - I get up and take our mugs, we needed a refill anyways and I needed some time to myself.

taking camillas words into account, she might be right. yuri did work alot, we always met whenever he had just gotten off work and he was still in uniform during those meetings as well. maybe something big came up at work and he was too busy to come to the shop? besides, yuri isn't the only guy in the world! he isn't the only boy whose shown interest in me, probably, well-

he's the only one whose visibly tried to act on his interest!

'doesn't mean no one else isn't about to though!' my inner-voice snipes back and I'm left in silence right after.

I just need to focus on other things, my life has been too romantic lately and it's almost as if yuri had taken root in my mind, making me think of him almost everyday! like a pesky little parasite. I'm not a teenager anymore so these little lovesick dreams shouldn't be so important to me like it would to a little girl.