chapter thirty-one

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Iris' mom tried calling her. A thousand times. Then she sent her a billion texts, begging her to pick up the phone.

Iris knew all of this was coming already, and ignored her mom's calls and deleted texts without even reading them. She didn't believe that her mom deserved to talk to her right then. As far as Iris was concerned, what her mom had done was the ultimate betrayal, and each time she thought about it, she felt herself spiraling.

Iris' father didn't try calling, but he sent her a bunch of texts. Iris barely even read them before blocking his contact completely, so he could no longer reach out to her.

Maybe she had to put up with her mom's constant texts and calls, but she sure as hell did not have to put up with anything from him.

Iris was lying in bed, feeling confused about everything. It felt that even the good or better aspects of her life were still a point of confusion for Iris. She was feeling so much, experiencing so much at once that chaos was all that seemed to reign in her life right then.

Of course, there was Adi. The calm within the storm. Iris' calm through everything that was happening in her life. But to a degree, even Adi was a source of confusion as well.

Iris cared deeply for Adi. She knew that as much as it was stupid to deny that she didn't feel anything toward the red-haired girl. Iris couldn't blame herself for that though, Adi was the type of person anyone would fall for. How could they not?

Adi was handsome in a beautiful way. She was fit, toned with muscles, and tall. Before Iris had really known her, she was daunting and intimidating, but Iris couldn't say even that wasn't attractive.

Moreso, after getting to know Adi, Iris could see a completely different side to her. Adi was sweet. She was warm, and friendly and brought Iris a certain calm she didn't experience with many people.

It seemed to Iris that Adi was just too good for her. Adi had stood up for someone at her previous college, even though it almost led to her expulsion. Despite the chemistry between them, Iris believed there was no way that Adi could fall for someone like her. After all, Adi seemed to have it all together. She went to the gym like every freaking day, and Iris doubted she could ever match up to that. She was too much chaos, at least right then.

At that moment, iris' mind drifted to Niki. She still hadn't responded to the Instagram dm that Niki had sent her the other day. Truth was, she wasn't sure how to. She didn't know what to say. Iris didn't even want to think about Niki right then. It took up too much of her emotions, and she didn't think that she had the emotional capability to deal with that right then.

It was ironic, in a way. Iris was ignoring Niki's texts. Her freshman-year self would never have believed that a day would come when she was ignoring Niki's texts. But at the same time, Iris felt slightly jealous of her freshman-year self. So naïve. So innocent.

Seeing as Iris had spent the entirety of her high-school experience in the closet to everyone but her mom, college was what Iris believed to be her time to break free, and finally be who she was.

Although the environment was a lot more accepting than her conservative hometown, Iris soon realized that college was not all about living her queer dreams. She still had deadlines, assignments, and, of course, her deliberating anxiety, which caused her to question anything and everything.

At that moment, there was a quiet knock on Iris' bedroom door. For a few moments, Iris debated ignoring the knock and just pretending like she was asleep. But at the last moment, she changed her mind. She needed to deal with this sooner rather than later.

"Come in," Iris said instead.

Iris' bedroom door opened, revealing Korra as Iris had expected. Korra had her hair in pink-colored jumbo braids. Iris hadn't seen her in such a long time, and couldn't even place when her roommate had changed her hair.

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