An Unexpected Girl

chapter thirty-two

There's something about sitting in front of a mirror doing a full face of makeup that made Iris feel invincible. It made her feel unstoppable, as if all her problems didn't exist.

"Maybe I should do this more often," Iris mumbled to herself as she applied lip gloss. It was always amazing to Iris how the little things could sometimes go a long way in terms of her mental health. This was something that her old therapist, Angela, had told her back when she still went to therapy.

Iris had since stopped going to therapy after Angela, who was a white woman, had told her she just needed to be confident in herself and not focus on little insults after Iris had spoken about a microaggression she had faced in one of her classes. The last thing that Iris needed was for a white person to minimize the microaggressions that she often faced at her predominantly white college as "little insults", and unfortunately for Iris, there weren't a lot of therapists of color at her college's counseling center.

Iris knew she desperately needed to go back to therapy, especially now more than ever, but she didn't have the money to look for mental health services outside of her school's counseling center.

"Iris! Are you ready?" Korra yelled from her room across the hall.

"Almost!" Iris yelled back, snapping out of her thoughts. She shuffled around her room, putting things in order as best as she could so she didn't have to come home to a completely wrecked bedroom when she came back home later that night.

Iris caught sight of herself in the mirror and smiled. She actually looked... nice? This wasn't something that Iris often thought about herself. Truth be told, she didn't really think much about herself. It was something else that she avoided doing for fear of being sent into an existential crisis. But tonight, she did, and she was pleased with what she saw.

It had been a while since Iris had gone to a party, and it reminded her of everything that Junior Year of college was supposed to be. Sure, she had gotten a little side-tracked, but that didn't mean that it was totally hopeless.

Iris had made up with Korra, and they were about to go to a college party together. Things were going to be okay.

"It really is the little things," Iris mumbled as she did a twirl in her full-length mirror, taking in her appearance. "I guess Angela wasn't completely useless after all."

"Iris, James will be here to pick us up soon!" Korra yelled once again. "Come on, we gotta pregame a little!"

Iris made her way out of her bedroom then, almost colliding into Korra, who was heading to their apartment living room.

"Oh hello, you look dashing," Korra said in a mock British accent. "You're gonna be having the girls fighting over you tonight, huh?"

"No girls tonight, Korra," Iris said, shaking her head, "just me and my one and only girl tonight. You."

Korra smiled, and Iris sent a cheeky wink her way. She meant everything, too. Iris needed a breather. Just a simple, fun night with her best friend, simple as that. Iris believed that she deserved that much.

Korra had already set up the alcohol on the living room table and began playing music through her speakers as they pre-gamed. It was just the two of them, but Iris loved it. The thing about her and Iris was that they didn't need other people to have a good time. They had each other.

The girls cheered as they hit their shot glasses together and began drinking, dancing around the room as Doja Cat played through the speakers.

It was comforting to Iris that she still had Korra. She didn't think she was ready to open up to Korra about everything going on in her life right then, mostly because telling someone else about it made it feel more real. Iris would much rather live in delusions for as long as she could. Life was a lot easier that way.

The girls took a couple more shots, laughing together and talking about whatever. Iris was already beginning to feel the buzz of the alcohol and a wide smile spread across her face as it settled within her. It was calming and exhilarating at the same time.

"James is here! Time for us to go!" Korra suddenly yelled, "quick, one more shot."

The girls cheered and downed their last tequila shots together before heading outside. James was their designated driver for the night, which Iris was very thankful for, as the last thing she wanted to do was spend the money she didn't have on Ubers.

"Hello ladies," James said as Korra got into the passenger seat of his car and Iris in the backseat. He turned to smile at Iris. He had his durag on, as usual. Today it was a bright yellow color.

"Hello James," Iris replied with a bit of a drawl.

"Oh, someone's drunk already," James teased, earning a laugh from both Iris and Korra.

The drive to the party wasn't too long. James and Korra chattered on about whatever. Iris really wasn't interested in the conversation, but was content with just sitting in an alcohol-induced calm. Iris had a silly smile on her face throughout. She was determined that the night was going to be a great night.

They arrived at the party, and Iris could instantly hear the loud music and see the flashing lights from outside.

It was your typical college house party. The sofas in the living room had been moved into the bedrooms, which were locked to keep the public away, and all around were bodies. If Iris was sober, she would have been cringing in disgust at the number of bodies that she rubbed up against.

But she wasn't, and the only thing Iris felt right then was excitement. It had been a rough couple of weeks, but she was going to have a good time. She deserved it.

They made their way to a less crowded section of the party, and Iris and Korra began dancing. James had gone off to say hi to one of his friends he had seen on the way inside.

The music was loud, and the atmosphere was euphoric. Iris danced with Korra and other random people around. Whenever Iris got drunk, she felt like she got a glimpse into how people without anxiety lived. She was more spontaneous when drunk, and more confident.

"Do you want something to drink?" Korra asked, yelling to be heard over the music.

Iris nodded and Korra took hold of her hand as they pushed through the bodies of people, trying to find where the drinks were being served at the party.

It didn't take them long to find it, as there was a gathering of people crowding a large bin containing strange-looking juice inside. Iris was too drunk to care about how unsanitary it probably was.

"Stay back, I think I can get through and I'll get drinks for both of us," Korra said, once again yelling over the music.

Iris nodded and instantly retrieved herself from the tight crowd, feeling that she could breathe better. Sure, her anxiety wasn't as bad when she was drunk, but she wasn't totally immune to panic attacks and feelings of claustrophobia that she got from being in tight crowds.

Iris shut her eyes, steadying herself as she leaned up against the wall. She breathed deeply, regulating her breathing before opening her eyes once again.

The party was still going on all around her, loud as ever. Iris' eyes scanned the crowd of people trying to find Korra, but she had been lost in the crowd.

Iris didn't doubt for a moment that Korra wouldn't come out successfully. Sure, she was small, but she was a fighter. The first time they met, Iris learned Korra had wrestled competitively throughout middle and high school. Iris knew that Korra wasn't someone to be fucked with.

"Iris?"

Iris turned her head, expecting to see that Korra had returned with their drinks, but her tongue caught in her throat once she caught sight of the familiar head of locs and dark eyes.

Niki.