Long Live The King | Villain!PghLFilms AU | BOOK ONE

Chapter 18 - "Feel My Wrath And Extreme Self-Doubt." - Villain!PghLFilms' POV

CW:
This chapter contains:

-A dysphoric episode
-Thoughts of self-injury
-Accidental misgendering
-Violence
-Gore

If any of those things make you uncomfortable, I suggest you skip this chapter or read on with caution.
QUICK PSA: VILLAINFILMS IS TRANSGENDER FTM. (transphobic comments will be deleted <3)
Enjoy!
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'Do you feel remorse? Regret? Anything like that?'

The short answer is no. I don't.

The long answer is no. I don't. But I feel grief. I feel grief for those I had been close with before they threw it all away and gave me no choice but to kill them.

Especially her.

I took a brush to my hair, getting the knots out while staring blankly into my mirror.

Yes, I wanted to kill them.

I needed to kill them.

I huffed. I was too messy-minded to keep up with my ever racing thoughts.

I finished brushing my hair out and tied it back up as quickly as possible. Dysphoria was beginning to prod at the back of my mind the longer I kept it down, that of which I shook my head at. I am a king, I can't have dysphoria getting in my way. I forced myself to swallow the emotions it brought down. Or, at least I tried to.

I couldn't help by stand and stare at myself for a while. Without my iron suit on, I could see the obnoxious femininity my body held. The curves and the delicateness I gave off made me want to tear my skin off. Part of me considered it, but I wouldn't. I felt anger stir in me, and I couldn't look at myself anymore.

I turned away from the mirrors, falling back onto my bed with a dissatisfied sigh. I stared at the roof, even though nothing moved on it. It was like watching paint dry, except there was no paint to watch dry at all. Just wood.

I pulled my gaze from the roof, and looked to my closet. Sitting up, I went over to it, opening it, and getting a baggy hoodie out. The already loose shirt and jeans I was wearing wasn't enough to alleviate the dysphoria anymore. I put the hoodie on, before I closed the closet, returning to the same spot I'd been on my bed. Only now, I sat. Trying to think about something else than my appearance for once.

Sometimes being a king was boring. Painful, even.

I enjoyed the feeling of power, the ability to instill fear in others with a simple glare, and so so much more. But, when I'm not tearing someone's throat out, I grow bored. Lonely, even, when I choose to be alone in my room.

I blinked, shifting my gaze to the window. I stared out it, watching the rain pelt down in a seemingly never ending torrent. Lightning flashed. A storm? In the middle of winter? I chose to not think much of it. Weather was too confusing for me anymore.

I rubbed my eyes. I needed to go do something, make myself useful.

I took my knife from my beside table, and slipped it into my pocket. Just in case.

I finally got to my feet, and left my room. Settling on a walk. I'd stop if someone asked me to.

Heading out to the living space, I walked the streets. The rain poured, and may as well have soaked me if my hair would've bothered to absorb it like it should. Instead, it simply fell off. I supposed my hair was waterproof as a joke.

On an unrelated term, usually, outside of my usual formal attire, I am still recognizable.

Which is why I was confused, and somewhat offended, when I was called out to incorrectly.

"Ma'am! Would you like to buy a sheet of cloth? On sale!"

I paused. Patience. You know you look too feminine today for people to know, I mentally scolded myself. Taking a sharp inhale, I turned to face them, "That's sir to you," I said, simply, before addressing their offer. "I'm in no need to cloth at the moment. I do appreciate your offer, however."

The salesperson stared for a moment, "Oh, I didn't realize you were.." They trailed off, "No biggie! Have a good day, sir!" They grinned. I just nodded, sensing an uncomfortable hostility from them. I turned, walking off.

Now that I thought about it, that shopkeep always had been hostile towards people like myself.

I'd have to have that dealt with. Effectively.

I nearly giggled at the thought of the choice of punishment I could give her. Skin her one limb at a time until she learns, cut her fingers off.. I shook my head to clear it. That could wait.

Clearly, many people didn't recognize me. As I heard a scuffle behind me before I was thrown to the ground. A hand on my back, weight nearly crushing my spine. A rough voice snarled in my ear, "Give me everything, or I'll lodge this knife into your skull,"

I snorted.

"Funny you make that request." I challenged, before I moved. I threw them off balance with a good amount of power, rolling, and getting up. I drew my own knife, "You are going after your king. I would hope you're aware of that." I challenged.

The person who had tackled me narrowed their eyes.

"I know, that's why I'm doing it." They huffed.

I rolled my eyes, "Suit yourself." I hummed.

They stood and ran at me, swinging the knife at my chest. I darted to the side, and slashed their shoulder, before I kicked them in the back. They stumbled forward, whirling to face me.

I had to admit, they were good. But I was better. I had to be better.

I ducked under their knife once more, and slammed my shoulder into their stomach, lodging my knife into their thigh while I was at it.

They cried out, and tried to back away, before they dropped to the ground on their rear, clutching their thigh as their knife clattered to the ground at my feet.

I kicked it out of their reach, striding up to them.

I touched the side of the bloodstained knife to their chin, forcing them to look up into my eyes.

"Try that again, and I'll have your head on a spike." I murmured, my tone icy with malice.

A tremble shook their body.

Pathetic.

I turned, picking up their knife, and walking off. My own hands trembled from the adrenaline of the moment. I slipped the weapons into my pocket as I walked.

The streets were quiet now. Frightened gazes bore into my back, but I paid no mind. Despite how I felt them burn into me, I was far too high on the win to really care.

So long as they knew what'd happen of they tried anything like that, I was content.

I took out my ponytail, and retied it as I walked. A shuddering sigh leaving me as I was done. I then slipped my hands into my pockets, occasionally giving a glance behind me to see if I was being followed.

Entering the kingdom once again, I took the long way back to the corpse room. Within the bloodstained hall, I paused. I admired my handiwork for a moment, before I entered my room.

I didn't bother saving this person's blood. It wasn't worth the paper, just like them as a person.

Not worth the paper.

They weren't even worth my energy.

I threw their knife into the cork board that held other attacker's blades. They wouldn't be getting that back, even if they asked for it. I smirked at how flawlessly I'd done it.

I then cleaned my knife with a rag, ensuring it was back to its reflective state before I set it down. I then returned to watching the rain fall.

What a beautiful sight after a life is nearly taken.

I did something useful today.

I made sure that person wouldn't hurt anyone for money again. If they wanted to keep their life, that is.