𝐅𝐥𝐨𝐰𝐞𝐫𝐬 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐗𝐢𝐚𝐨 ―𝐠. 𝐢𝐦𝐩𝐚𝐜𝐭

23 || Taste of Dreams

The two of you sat in the bed of flowers, refusing to let go of one another with the fear that Xiao would disappear. You kept your eyes shut with the fear that he would be in your arms no more if you looked. And yet, even with these fears, your breath evened as you felt the slowing heartbeat of your beloved.

thump. thump. thump.

He was still alive, in your arms.

From within the cavern you teleported to, you could hear the soft shimmering of the crystalflies somewhere behind you. The grass gently brushed your legs in the breeze seeping through the cracks of the walls.

"(y/n)," the Adeptus called out. He attempted to to slide your arms off of him--wanting to get a better look at your expression--but to no avail. "(y/n)," he tried again, "I would like to see your face."

"..."

Slowly, you allowed yourself to pull away from Xiao, unraveling your arms from under his shoulders. In your eyes weighed both bitterness and relief.

Xiao sat silently in front of you, reaching for your clenched fists on your lap. His fingers slid easily between your hands and released them from the tension. His thumb rubbed your whitened knuckles patiently.

Taking a shaky breath, you finally broke the silence.

"I have already lost two loved ones to an untimely death. I cannot bear to lose you too."

Xiao's heart wrenched. He knew that his actions, if successful, would have had unmeasurable consequences on you. Guilt washed over him in a way he never felt before--or, was it really guilt or indignation of his failure to pass on?

Before he could respond, you continued with a painful smile, "I know you chose to do so as a last resort, and I don't mean for my words to place guilt upon you. But, I wish you would come to realize that your life is worth more than to sacrifice."

Gently, you placed your hand above his and returned his gesture, embracing his gloved palms.

"Countless souls have fallen prey to these hands," he muttered hoarsely, looking down. "I, too, have been swallowed by the darkness. My worth is only the number of demons I conquer."

As you released your hands from him, you nodded your head slowly. You, despite all your glory as the God of Treatment, could never come to fully understand Xiao's turmoil. Although physical wounds were easily replicated, the wounds of a heart and mind were unique to every person and context. The small fraction you could empathize with was never the full picture. But that didn't mean you wouldn't try to understand.

Quietly, you slid closer to Xiao within the grass bed and held him in your arms, saying, "It is not the pain that should keep you going when it is the same thing dragging you down."

"...I know not a life which isn't of suffering," the teal Adeptus said into the crevice of your neck.

"It is hard," you hummed gently, "to find meaning to your life when you refuse to look for one outside the given. But that's alright. I'm here now, and I will embrace you with all that I have to offer. And I hope that by this, you will find that your life is worth it all."

Xiao's hands slithered into your robe, finding their place along your back. He could feel the warmth of your skin beneath the thin cloth. How long had it been since he last held you like this? He wanted nothing more than to hold you closer, tighter, to merge into whatever perfection you were made of and rest until the end of time. He sighed into your touch.

"You, with your gentle voice and acceptance of a monster like me, have always been enough." His words echoed like a dream in the glowing cave. "I had no one to applaud my growth or celebrate my victories. It was only until you came into my life that I had someone to watch me heal. You have seen me at my worst...and yet, you dare to drive me on. You seek to find me...salvation?" There was a bitter chuckle that escaped his lips.

"But of course," you smiled, softly pushing him away so you could look into his eyes once more. Xiao knew what words were coming next--it was the phrase you always told him. "I am your-"

"Because I love you."

Xiao froze, his breath hitching in his throat and his chest tightning.

"I love you," you had said. Your words repeated like a mantra in his head: "I love you. I love you. I love you." Had he heard you right? The consistent pulse in his heart had yet to implode with the motley of emotions running through his racing mind.

Seeing his rigid expression, you, on the other hand, laughed airily, your reddened eyes creasing along with it. Despite the sorrow in your voice, there was a glimmer in your gaze that the Yaksha had never seen before. You cupped his face and gave a wistful smile.

"I love you," you repeated happily. "And I will recite it as many times as it takes for you to realize that you are worth all of my efforts to help you-- I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you. I am thankful that you're still here. I love you."

All at once, the air in Xiao's lungs circulated into his beating heart. He blinked rapidly, indicating that he had yet to thoroughly process your words, and you laughed again. How joyous, how freeing it was to finally say those words to the person you loved. Never in your life had you wanted to express your emotions in such a way. How beautiful it was.

As you thought this, your sleepy eyes fell upon the Adeptus' lips. You couldn't help, you supposed, but want to do so much more now that the gate was opened, letting the love you have pour out of your barricaded heart. You knew he noticed your gaze when he moistened his lips and gulped. A ghost of a smirk graced your face.

"So, do you have an answer?" you whispered, leaning closer, unbearably slow. Time seemed to have stopped.

Xiao took the liberty of closing the gap between you too.

His lips desperately pressed into yours, parting slightly as you inclined your head toward his, your hands still on his warming cheeks and holding him in place. You found it endearing when you allowed yourself to peek at the scrunched eyebrows of the Adeptus--his eyes were squeezed shut with innocence and focus. It showed that despite his insistent, pursuing kiss, you were the first to ever feel the edge of his fangs, to taste the tenderness of his lips. To be a blessed victim of his love.

Flowers blossomed in your mouths. Xiao couldn't tell if he were in a dream or in reality as his tongue collided with yours. Your soft lips were so similar to the vague feeling he felt when eating almond tofu, but it was so much more instant, impactful, and addicting than that.

He pulled your body closer to his, tilting his head in hopes of tasting more. The scent of sweet (favorite flowers) lingered on his tongue. Perhaps you reminded him of the innocent dreams he devoured, the golden whisps of a fantasy enveloping his mouth in the past. No, that wasn't quite right.

It was then that he realized that this was the first that he was tasting his own fantasy. For how long did he dream, yearn, of kissing you like this? Surges of fire burst in his heart as his mind blurred. Xiao could only hopelessly cling to you, coiling his arms tighter around your waist, for you were the only solid object in his spinning, dizzy world.

"I am afraid," he paused with a pant, attempting to regain the little sanity he had left, "that I will stain you with blood."

Your lips separated for only a second as you looked him in his honey-amber eyes. His heart swelled.

"Stain me," you breathed as you leaned in. Your arms wrapped around his neck, pulling him forward. "Let the blood dare to stain me. The love you spread upon my body is of greater color."

The two of you fell back into the field of flowers in the cave. Once again, Xiao was allowed to taste his first dream over and over again.

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a/n: AHHHHHHHHHRWGJNBOWRIHUNBWOBNLKSVBOWRBIN