Balance, Baby

Chapter 5

I got bored at home by myself, it was 10 and I already had a bubble bath and tried having a quiet night. But, my boredom was on another level. I found myself hanging off of my bed backwards, staring at my wall. I was completely dissociating at this point. 'hot girl bummer' by blackbear played in the background on my speaker. I had partially cleaned my room earlier, but my motivation got lost under a 2 foot pile of laundry. I sat up remembering the Crown Royal Apple Whiskey that resided somewhere in the kitchen, 'Ouu,' I thought as I made my way into the kitchen.

The bottle was on top of the fridge, so I put it on the counter and grabbed the apple juice from the fridge. There wasn't much liquor missing from the bottle. I debated between mixing a little bit of the whiskey into some apple juice, or taking massive shots and drowning the burn with the apple juice instead. My toxic traits egged on the latter. I tipped the bottle over my open mouth and kept pouring until my mouth was practically full. I swallowed a couple of times until it was gone, and immediately took a gulp of apple juice.

It turned into one of those moments where you realized your mistake immediately. But the regret vanished almost as quickly as it had appeared. I began to dance and turned the music up from my phone, "We go stupid, we go stupid, we go- And you want me to change? Fuck you! Fuck you, and you, and you-" My head bobbed loosely from side to side as my hips followed suit. I mentally muted myself, focusing on the music and the feeling. I grabbed the bottle again, pouring slightly less into my mouth this time. I chugged apple juice and grabbed the bottle as I made my way to the living room, "This that hot girl bummer anthem, turn it up and throw a tantrum." The song ended. I paused and waited for the next song to play, "You were with your friends partying when the alcohol kicked in-" I resumed bouncing my hips side to side wildly as I sang along to "Maniac" by Conan Gray.

My drinking antics continued for half an hour, simply bouncing around the house by my lonesome and drowning any negativity. The loneliness settled in again after a while, and I had the bright idea to order an uber to this Chinese takeout place down the street from the club that Judah works at. My plan was to surprise him with his favorite order on his lunch break. He usually had his lunch at 11:30, and it was currently 10:47. After the ride was placed, I ran into my room smiling at my wonderful idea.

I threw on some random, ripped skinny jeans I found on the floor and a cute white tube top with my white air forces. After a quick glance in the mirror I decided that my hair and makeup were satisfactory. I had looked for my favorite hoops for almost 10 whole minutes when I finally realized they were still in my purse from the other night. I made my way to the couch where I had left it, grabbed my hoops and put them in. My phone dinged from the kitchen counter, my uber was outside. I chugged the bottle one last time and grabbed my purse, rushing out of the house I locked the front door behind me.

Once I was situated in the back seat of the car, I called the take-out place and ordered our usual. This wasn't the first time I had done this, so my timing was nearly down to a science. I swayed my head side to side, listening to the music in my uber the whole rest of the way there. I arrived at the restaurant 10 minutes before Judah's lunch. I went inside and grabbed the order before heading over to the club. The walk was usually about 6 minutes long, but I decided to stop at a mini mart along the way.

"Hey, wanna grab me that shot of Fireball?" I asked the cashier as I set the takeout bag on the counter, "And actually you know, I'd like a shot of that Jack as well."

"ID, please," The older gentleman said as he grabbed the shots from the clear casing. I pulled my ID out of my purse, and smiled as he slid the bottles over to me. I tapped my phone on the card reader and opened the fireball, "Receipt?" he asked.

"I'm all good, have a lovely night sir," I took the shot of Fireball Cinnamon Whiskey and put the mini bottle in the trash. In case it wasn't obvious I liked dark liquor, whiskey traditionally. I shoved the other shot in my purse along with my phone and ID. I continued on my walk to the club. A few guys whistled at me from across the street, yelling some nonsense that I couldn't understand. I just spun around, stumbling slightly, and waved at them. It was a very busy street, and there was a bit of foot traffic here and there. Traffic increased as I slowly approached the club. I pulled out my phone and noticed it was 11:30. I texted Judah: