Balance, Baby

Chapter 25

I woke up next to Judah, he was soundly asleep when I finally opened my eyes and stretched my arms. The details of his face caught my attention again, I didn't feel the tiniest bit of guilt as I analyzed his features. He was still naked, laying on his stomach. The sheets were pulled down to his butt, exposing the definition of his back. I was tempted to run my fingers down his muscles, but I stopped myself so I wouldn't wake him.

I got out of bed and decided to take a shower. My thoughts had started racing. The guilt finally hit when I couldn't see him anymore, I looked at myself in the mirror. My baby bump was staring me down. I sighed, fully noticing my irresponsibility. There was a line of hickeys down my neck, and I had makeup under my eyes from yesterday. The vibe was giving 'walk of shame'. I put my hair up and took off my makeup before getting in the shower.

I was already in the shower when Judah just decided to walk in the bathroom. I opened the shower curtain, peeking my face out to see him. He was literally taking the most casual morning piss. I furrowed my eyebrows and closed the curtain, continuing to shampoo my hair in confusion. 'Maybe he just really has to pee.' I shook it off and let my thoughts drift. Last night was one for the books.

~ flashback ~

We were both a mess of breathless sweat laying next to each other. I swallowed the build up of saliva in my mouth before I spoke, "We haven't had sex like that in a long time."

He laughed, "No offense to you at all, but working around that belly is not easy. I always get paranoid about it, before you were even showing. It just made me nervous. Plus, you screaming about being in love with me made me hot."

I laughed, "Sure, blame it on the baby." We were both quiet for a minute. My smile eventually faded as reality set in. I bit my lip, still coming down from the moment we shared. I shut my eyes, guilt was pushing in, "So, was that like... break up sex?"

He replied cautiously, "I wish it wasn't."

The regret settled in with a dominance, things were already complicated but now it was worse. I sighed, "Judah, we shouldn't have... that was a mist-"

"I know," He interrupted, it grew quiet once again before he continued on, "But Ky," There was a deep breath, "Can we just have tonight? We already screwed up. Can we just be us, one last time?"

I couldn't help smiling. Honestly I didn't think there could be any harm in assuring we ended things on a better note than the one we originally parted on. The distance, the arguing, it really didn't suit us. This whole trip was a blessing in disguise.

Eventually I nodded, "Just for tonight. But don't get weird on me."

I was quoting myself from the night we confessed our feelings for each other, he looked at me with a big smile. "Yeah?" He put a hand on my cheek and left his face inches from mine.

"Yeah," I smiled back, giggling. Our lips met in the middle softly brushing against each other. As our lips parted, I smiled before closing the gap again. If we were gonna do this, I wanted the most out of it. Was this the best decision I could make? Probably not. Was this what I wanted to do regardless? Absolutely.

So I let myself forget reality. I let myself be selfish. I let myself bask in ignorance, one last time.

~ end flashback ~

The curtain opened and Judah's face peeked in, "Good morning, gorgeous."

I groaned, "Judah, what are you doing?"

He laughed, "Just looking at my hot ass.... Ex?" He finished, questioning himself.

I sighed, "Stop being a creep. Last night is over, we gotta stop this."