I hate not knowing.

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I'm just so confused. This man is driving me crazy. I love him so much but I don't know if he loves me back. He probably doesn't, I mean really, who would like ME? Of all people in this entire world. I wish I could just tell him but he is the only thing in this world keeping me alive and happy right now and I'd never want to lose him. 13 years I've kept this entire thing a huge secret and I think I'm going insane. I need him. I need John Watson. Everyone does. He's perfect. He's handsome and sweet and cute and pretty and he's the most loyal and wise person I have ever met. I just love him. I need to tell him but every time I try to I get too scared and completely chicken out. I miss him even if he's sitting right next to me because I want to be his so bad. My heart is burning up because I can't have him. That's it! I can't do this anymore! Not to myself or him. I'm going to tell him tomorrow after I have sixteen mental breakdowns because he'll be so disgusted when I tell him that he'll probably cut off all contact and move out. Why does life have to be so difficult?

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