loving someone / matty healy

a change of heart

My dad had been a gent and offered to drive Matty home later that night. Luckily, we were spared the awkward questions from my parents, especially my mum who my dad definitely ran downstairs to gossip to after catching us in my room.

I hadn't wanted to say goodbye when we reached my front door. It reminded me of that awful morning after he collapsed through my bedroom window. But, there we stood once again, except this time he wasn't desperate to leave.

"You're acting like I'm leaving to go to war." He laughed as I leaned against the door frame, I must have been frowning or something of the sort.
"Oh, shut up! I know I'll see you at school tomorrow."
He looked down at the ground. "Yeah, about that-"
"No!" I already knew what he was going to say. "You're going to be there even if I have to drag you in."
"Okay, fine, mum." He smirked as he said it.
"I'm this close to slamming the door in your face." I held up my thumb and index finger just millimetres apart.

"Okay, okay. Come here," He pulled me closer to him, his hands moving me by my waist, and I settled into his embrace. "See you tomorrow, I promise."
I could hear my dad's footsteps getting closer through the hallway behind us. I gave a quick peck to the edge of his jaw and stepped back, smiling.
"See you tomorrow."

Unfortunately, my mum hadn't let me off too easy as I made my way through the kitchen. She stopped me in my tracks completely, but I couldn't even be annoyed.
"So is it true or has your dad misunderstood?"
She was leaning on the counter with a glass of red wine as she asked.
"Depends on what he's said." I answered as I popped a grape into my mouth.
"Just that the two of you looked like you'd been caught red-handed together when he walked in. But, then again, yous two were always up to no good."
"Well, there wasn't much to catch, but yeah."
"Yeah what?" She was smirking, knowing full well what I meant.
"Do I have to spell it out for you mother?"
She squealed. Like actually, physically squealed.
"I guess I'm to thank." She said, and I'd never been more confused in my life.

But, I laughed anyway, already dreading whatever she might have to say on the matter.
"Well, if I didn't give birth to you when I did, would you have ever known each other?"
"Oh, come on, that's a bit far-fetched."
"Either way, I'm taking the credit. Just wait until I tell Denise." She was already picking up her phone.
"Oh God, mum, leave it to Matty."
"You're right," She put her phone back down on the counter. "So, what was it like?"

"Goodnight, mother!" I retreated tactfully. I love my mum, we're very close - clearly - but some things I'd prefer to keep to myself.
By the time I was settled in my bed it was already twelve am, but somehow I was struggling to feel tired. Perhaps it was the shock my system had experienced today. I hadn't yet processed exactly how I felt - happiness, definitely; relief, of course; but naturally, trepidation. Fearful of things not working out the way we always hoped they would. But it was hard to feel so anxious whenever a text message from him came through my phone:

just so u know my mums already downstairs planning the wedding, wouldn't be surprised if urs turns up in a minute with her magazines

Any message from him now made me smile ridiculously after so much terrible silence from him.

u say that as if they probably didn't put the deposit down on the venue when we were 5

I wanted to phone him, to hear his voice. Or even just to hear him breathe or sigh. I'd take anything. But the responsible part of me knew that if I kept him up any later, there was no chance of him joining me in school tomorrow.

i miss u

I shook my head, amusedly.

shut up