loving someone / matty healy

𝙨𝙞𝙣𝙘𝙚𝙧𝙞𝙩𝙮 𝙞𝙨 𝙨𝙘𝙖𝙧𝙮

"Sweetie, it's just dinner with Matty and his mum, something you've done a million times, what are you getting yourself in such a state for?" I had raced home as soon as school finished to get ready for tonight and my mum stood in the doorway of my room, finding it easy to say that as she rested against the doorframe wearing a lovely dress, and even though I was frantically rummaging through my wardrobe, pieces falling off hangers, I couldn't find one of my own that was good enough.

"Mum," I turned to look at her, trying my best not to take my stress out on her. "That's not helpful."
"Why don't you wear that black velvet dress you've never worn?"
"There's a reason I haven't worn it out, mum. It looks bloody atrocious"
"Oh, nonsense! Here, let me have a look, love."

She practically sprinted over to where I stood at the end of my room, seemingly overjoyed at the prospect of getting to dress me, something I hadn't really allowed her to do since I realised for myself that she didn't have the skills of Vivienne Westwood that she thought she did.
As she raked through the clothing that was still somehow left hanging up, I cast my eyes down to the discarded pieces of fabric laying in disarray on the carpet, and groaned at the dreadful thought of having to tidy it up.

"Here it is!" Her voice was high pitched, excitement evident, as she held it up to me. "Go on, at least try it on, Evelyn"
I gave her a small smile, "Okay."

A few moments later I found myself in the bathroom, dress on, as I stood in front of the mirror. I ran my fingers along the fabric as I took in my appearance, surprisingly liking what I saw. It wasn't exactly figure-hugging, but it still fit nicely. It was pleasant, and pleasant was all I had time for now that we were running late.

We managed to arrive at Matty's just on time, somehow, and affectionate greetings were exchanged as mum started catching up with her best friend.
"Evelyn, love, you look gorgeous" Denise cooed as I entered through the front door. "Wait until Matty sees you" I couldn't help but blush at what she had said.

After sharing a look that I didn't quite understand the meaning of, my parents and Denise made their way through into the living room, and just as I was about to follow them and wait for Matty there, he appeared on the middle steps of the staircase just above me. Wearing his 'smart trousers' as he called them, with a light pink t-shirt tucked in and his curly hair parted down the middle, he looked like a prince, even if his outfit wasn't very extravagant.

His eyes travelled down to the bottom of my dress, smiling when his stare reached my battered old black Converse that I just couldn't bring myself to part with. They finally landed back on my face, and I soon began to smile upon realising that he hadn't stopped.
"I've never seen you in that shirt before, I like it. Colour suits you" He closed the distance by making his way down the few remaining steps, and suddenly he was in front of me, placing a kiss on my cheek.
"I've never seen you in this dress before," He reached out to touch a piece of the fabric near the waist. "But you look good in everything."

"You-" I began, only to be interrupted.
"Kids!" We looked at each other, instantly laughing at my dad's choice of words as he called out for us. "Food, come on!"
I wondered how long it would take our parents to realise that we're not children anymore. I guess we haven't been for a long time.

Matty linked his arm with mine, something he'd been doing for forever to make us feel like we were attending some lavish ball, even if we were only entering into the most ordinary of situations, and he guided me through to the dining room.
He greeted my mother with a kiss on the cheek, and as ridiculous as it sounds, mine suddenly felt less special. Dad brought him into a hug.
"Your hairs getting long, love" Mum told him, and he shrugged his shoulders.
"I've decided to grow it out a bit" Yet another thing I don't know about him anymore, I couldn't help but think.

Once dinner was over and I thanked Denise until she was practically telling me to shut up, Matty and I wandered upstairs to his bedroom, our parents still laughing and chatting away downstairs.
"It's actually tidy for once," He announced as he opened the door to his room for me, waiting for me to step in and then closing it behind us. "Just for you, Evie"
"I'm touched" I put a hand to my chest, feigning sincerity, and he shoved my shoulder.

Out of nowhere, he began to lay himself down on the floor, back resting on the soft carpet.
"Eh, are you alright?" I kicked his leg.
He put his hand out. "Just come and lie down here with me"
"Next to you?"
"Well, on top of me is probably not appropriate" He joked, but it caught me too off-guard to elicit any kind of laughter from me.

I slowly lowered myself to the ground, discovering that it wasn't the easiest of tasks to complete in a dress, but not impossible.
I lay next to him, shoulders brushing, and I let out a sigh as my head nestled into the comfy floor.
The glow-in-the-dark stars that had been put on his roof when we were younger were still there, and somehow still working. In the dark room, it felt as if we were actually under the stars, and it wouldn't have at all surprised me if he had planned for it to feel that way.

Abruptly, I began laughing, much to his confusion.
"Is this too stupid?" The insecurity in his voice made me feel awful, and I quickly explained.
"No, this is great, I just - You know what this reminds me of? Laying here like this?"
I spoke quietly, worried that another increase in volume would disturb the peace again.
He hummed as if to say, 'go on'.

"That time you crashed into the tree because you were showing off with your 'big words'"
His shoulders moved against mine as he giggled, evidently recalling the time I was talking about, and I was glad I'd made him laugh.

There was a silence that followed, and I wasn't sure what the next thing to break it would be.
"But do you remember what word I was trying to tell you?"
"Etherel or something?" I knew I hadn't said it correctly, but I still had a vague recollection.
His head turned to face me, and mine instinctively did the same, his lips drawn together as if he was nervous.
"Ethereal" he corrected, just as quietly as I had asked him if he remembered.
"Oh yeah. Still no clue what it means."
"It means I think you're so beautiful you couldn't possibly be of this world, Evie."

My heart felt elated the second those words left his lips, a heaviness I felt like I'd been carrying for millennia, disappearing. I caught my reflection in his eyes, my expression one of shock but also one of absolute fondness. His brown eyes glimmered soulfully, radiating a feeling of warmth that only he could make me feel so doused in. I tried to tame the gasp that left my own lips when I felt his fingers slowly intertwining with mine, pinky first just like we did when making all of those childhood promises to each other, and then one after the other, hands finally moulding into one.

His eyes travelled down to our joined hands, but the warmth didn't disappear. Maybe this whole time it was just him that made me feel that way. I watched as the sweetest of grins adorned his face, and never before had I so strongly wished to do anything more than bring his head into my chest, fingers brushing his curls, whilst whispering into his ear, 'I love you, I love you, I love you'.

Instead, I brought our united hands up to my lips, leaving kisses on his knuckles. And so he closed his eyes, laying his head on my shoulder, his lips itchingly close to my neck, but he knew just as well as I did that this was all we could ever be without ruining the most sacred thing in our lives.

We lay there, soundlessly, the touching of our hands and his shaky breaths just below my ear louder than any words we could possibly utter, and, in that moment, I wondered how anything could ever be as good as this again.