loving someone / matty healy

𝙥𝙡𝙖𝙮𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙤𝙣 𝙢𝙮 𝙢𝙞𝙣𝙙

I wandered home that night, physically knowing where my feet were taking me, but mentally? I have no idea where I am.

There was one question racing erratically around my head - what could have possibly caused a physical altercation between the two of them? I didn't even realise that they knew each other - the only time I was aware of them crossing paths was when I briefly introduced Armaan to Matty when we first began dating. It wasn't exactly a skip down the yellow brick road, but I never thought they'd start swinging for each other.

I also couldn't help but feel incredibly disappointed in Armaan for lying to me. I'm a reasonable person, and an understanding one, so nothing hurts me more than when someone chooses to be dishonest with me. When you make the decision to lie to someone you claim to love, you're willingly sacrificing the trust of you that they have been building up. And then when that same person criticises the ways you deal with how they've hurt you? Well, that's just fucking rude.

A streetlight flickered above me as I changed the song that was playing on my phone, my hands illuminated by the artificial light cascading down, making them appear almost yellow. In that moment, I didn't feel real. Or, at least, I felt like a different version of myself. Insignificant, but not so much that if I were to disappear at this very moment that it would go unnoticed. Insignificant to myself, and that can be dangerous.

Ever since Lil Peep sang the words, 'Look at the sky tonight, all of the stars have a reason', I couldn't stop myself from doing so. I always find myself gazing at the sky, wondering if there'll be more peppering the opaque blanket than the night before. There's something magical about stars, isn't there?

"Sweetie, you're back! You missed dinner." My mum, Jenny, pouted as I walked in my own front door this time, slipping off my shoes, and joining her in the kitchen. She stood in her silk bathrobe, glass of wine in hand as she tried to figure out some app on her phone, and I couldn't help but admire her. I wish there was some way I could be friends with the teenage version of my mum.

I couldn't help but wonder what I'll look like when I'm her age, and if I'll look half as good. And then, when my dad came in, kissing her cheek after ruffling my hair, my mind uncontrollably drifted to the thought of having a partner in the future. Would I ever find a husband or a wife? Would I still be with Armaan? There was always a naïve part of me that assumed Matty and I would settle down together, but I realise now that that idealisation was just that; naïve.

"Yeah, I'm sorry about that, I was at Matty's." I rested on one of the stools underneath the kitchen island, playing with my hands as my parents stood across from me.

"Tell him we're asking after him, he hasn't been round here in a while" my mum frowned, moving a piece of brunette hair that had fallen in her face as she continued to try and make sense of the technology in front of her.
"Why is that, anyway?" I spotted the curious look in my father's eyes almost immediately, and since I basically inherited the same bloody look, I also knew that he wasn't going to just drop the subject.

"No clue," I shrugged, wishing we were talking about anything else. "Guess he's just got other things going on right now." It was probably the most honest answer I could have given them.
"More important than spending time with you? Since when was it like that?" Ouch.

That was the moment that my mum looked up from her phone, probably noticing that there was absolutely nothing carefree about the shrug I just gave, and made my dad drop the subject. "Come on, Rob. Can't you see how tired she is? You can pester her in the morning."

Looking up at her, I offered her the most appreciative smile I could muster, although, not surprised that she knew exactly what to say. Dad gave me a kiss on the forehead, wishing me a goodnight.

But it didn't truly feel like a good night until I was lying curled up in my bed, body kept warm by the same pink blanket Matty had found comfort in, and feeling the, now, unfamiliar feeling of his name appearing on my phone screen.

dickhead <3 : i wanted to say i'm sorry for today. i don't wanna cause trouble. i just miss you. a lot. you're still my evie, right? x

It took me a minute of re-reading his text message to even think about what I would say in response. He had the ability to just remove himself from my life, and then re-enter it and make me smile as if he had never caused me any pain. That shit is terrifying.

Eventually, I replied.

me: as long as you're still my matty x

And I would have been able to fall asleep peacefully that night, maybe I would have even remembered to turn off my fairy lights, if it wasn't for the message I received just ten minutes after the one that made me smile.

Armie :) : you went 2 see that twat 2day? what the fuck is wrong with u??

For fucks sake.

☺︎︎☺︎︎☺︎︎☺︎︎☺︎︎☺︎︎☺︎︎☺︎︎☺︎︎☺︎︎☺︎︎
a bit of a shorter chapter, but i hope you're enjoying it so far! just a bit of drama to spice it up, yknow